Road to Heartbreak
by DisasterousLetdown
Summary: I am willing to meet my end in the halls of Mandos as long as this feeling within my being never fades away... xxMMxx
1. Chapter One

**Title:** Road to Heartbreak  
**Author:** DisasterousLetdown  
**Fandom:** Lord of the Rings  
**Pairing:** Legolas/Aragorn  
**Rated:** M  
**Genre:** Angst/Romance  
**Summary:** I am willing to meet my end in the halls of Mandos as long as this feeling within my being never fades away... xxMMxx

**Disclaimer:** All known Characters are Tolkien's.

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_**Road to Heartbreak**_

**Chapter One**

I know naught of what I feel where Aragorn is concerned and the mere thought frightens me considerably. In the very beginning when I first laid eyes on the man I was overwhelmed by his strength and friendly eyes. He was someone I found myself wanting to speak with often and wanted a friendship to blossom between the two of us. Friendship was not something I would achieve, however. Even though his step father was an elf and for half of his life he grew up around them he did not take a liking to my kind. I do not know the reason for his hatred, but I fear it may be because Lord Elrond, his step father, couldn't save his mother when she became ill and died shortly after. He has made it painfully clear how he feels about me, though, and I know I have no choice but to respect his wishes. If he dislikes me then there is nothing I can do to change his mind.

I try my best to stay clear of the mortal at all costs and I could say the same for him. He avoids all contact and interaction with me, but at least he is polite in his hatred. He truly astonishes me though, because I can see that within his heart a good man resides inside. He feels strongly about his loved ones and would protect them with his life; the same could be said for all mankind. He will make a great king one day, even if he is yet to realize this. He believes that he will fail as his father did in the past, but with a heart of gold he doesn't realize that he can't run astray. He feels too strongly for the things he truly believes in... with a quality like that he could never go wrong. I just wish he had more faith in himself like I have faith in him.

Even though his despises me, I have come to realize that I want more from him than mere friendship. Surely I would settle for his friendship since I don't even have that, but through the years that I have known him I have slowly fallen in love with him. I know it is a dangerous feeling to obtain, but I have no control over who my heart decides to love. How could I not love him, though? His cloudy grey eyes take my breath away and his humble heart trapped me within its grasp... yet, he does not know this and I will never let him come to realize it. I have never found men to be attractive, but the stubble on his face gives him personality and his roughness causes me to feel safe within his presence. I long to run my fingers through his brown locks and to place a delicate kiss upon his full lips. Not to mention I could get lost forever in those deep eyes of his for they seem to be never ending.

He would surely kill me if he were to ever come to know this though, so I must remain silent and keep all my feelings to myself. I am sure I am heading down the road to heartbreak which will eventually be my demise, but I can't bring myself to care. He makes me feel things that I never believed I could and without this love inside of me I know I would be lost. I am willing to meet my end in the halls of Mandos as long as this feeling within my being never fades away. It hurts to love him in silence, but I know if he knew about all I feel he would push me out of his life, therefore loving him in secret is worth it to me. He may not love me in return, or even like me for that matter, but at least he is in my life.

I am brought out of my train of thoughts when voices catch my attention. I would know that voice anywhere, but I have to wonder who Aragorn is talking to and what the conversation is about that they would feel the need to whisper. My curiosity has always gotten the best of me, so, silently, I make my way toward the voices and hide within the shadows so I won't be seen. Aragorn and Boromir are standing on the bridge, rather closely I might add, and whispering to each other so they won't be overheard. My Elven ears allow me to hear them clearly, however, and I feel as though I am eavesdropping on a conversation I don't want to hear.

"That was a rather good display you put on at the council Boromir; I don't think they suspected a thing." Aragorn says with a slight chuckle and Boromir is quick to release his own.

"I thought it was hilarious when the elf was quick to come to your defense."

"That elf has had a crush on me for some time now, it's rather pathetic really." Aragorn says with a roll of his eyes and I feel as though my heart has just been crushed by his bare hands.

"He doesn't realize that no man would ever want to be with an elf, they are below us, obviously. Besides, you are mine and I am not willing to let you go." Boromir responds as he pulls Aragorn into his arms and holds onto him as only a lover would.

"He will get over this little crush of his in due time and move on." Aragorn says before pulling Boromir's head down so he can place a passionate kiss upon his lips.

When I can no longer watch this display in front of me I quickly turn back the way I came and run into the library. I know it probably would have been best if I went to my bedchamber, but that would mean I would have to pass by the lovers and that is the last thing I could do in my current condition. I am feeling so many levels of hurt right now that I don't know what to do with myself. For one, it would seem that many few of the fellowship actually like me. How am I going to travel and fight amongst people that could care less about me? Sure, Gandalf and the hobbits have been kind to me, but the mortals and the dwarf despise everything about me! How could I possibly put my trust within these companions? Could I put my life in there hands and trust them to have my back while within battle? For another, Aragorn already has someone in his heart and in return has given that heart to another. I don't know why I didn't consider this as a possibility, but now I wish that I had. He believes this love within my heart is only a mere crush that will fade within time. If he believes that to be so then he really knows little about elves. Once we allow someone into our heart it is eternal and never can anyone else enter.

**:0****Ж****0:**

Wearing my forest green tunic and leggings, I stand at the entrance of Rivendell and wait for the rest of the fellowship to arrive. Within my heart lies a heavy burden and I found little to no rest throughout the night. I fear I won't be at my best during the quest and that bothers me considerably. I don't see how I will be able to manage being around Boromir and Aragorn now that I know their secret. I am a warrior, however, and I refuse to back out of this very important quest. I have promised to protect the hobbits with my life and am determined to help Frodo get the ring to Mount Doom even if emotionally I am dying.

"If you don't mind my curiosity, why are you always so quiet Legolas?"

Quite startled by the voice and mentally scolding myself for being caught off guard, I turn to face the little hobbit that is now standing beside me. I give him a warm smile before answering his question.

"'Tis just how I have always been little one, 'tis natural to me. Besides, I think you talk enough for the both of us."

Pippin blushes at my words and I let out a soft laugh. I don't know what it is about this little hobbit, but he has found his way into my heart. It amazes me how much he can eat and how joyful he seems to be all the time. In a way I am envious of him for I wish I could be more like that. Nothing seems to dampen his spirits and I hope that this mission doesn't manage to change that for I know what battles do to one's mind.

Before he has a chance to say anything else the rest of the fellowship arrives and we are ready to begin. I try my best to avoid any contact with Aragorn and won't allow myself to even glance in his direction. I know this probably is strange behavior for me since I usually can't keep my eyes off of him, but the scene last night won't give my mind a rest and just his presence is near killing me. To look into his eyes would be my undoing and I can't allow that to happen, I refuse to allow myself to cry... not while there is still a quest to complete.

Venturing to the front of the fellowship, I walk briskly ahead of them so as to be alone. I can feel eyes upon my back, but I do not turn to see the expressions on my companions' faces. Before long, however, Gandalf is walking beside me, or at least trying to keep up with me, and looking at me with concern. Slowing my pace considerably so the wizard doesn't use up all of his strength I prepare myself for a mountain of questions. I know I am acting rather strange, but with all this new knowledge I am unsure of how to act. I do not want to let on to my troubled heart and mind, but I also cannot find it within me to act as I used to. My heart is in pain and am finding it hard to hide it very well.

"Why are you walking so quickly Legolas? Do you wish not to accompany us?" Gandalf inquires with an expression of confusion etched onto his aged features.

"Nay, I am simply walking ahead as to keep my ears and eyes open to any danger that could be lurking about." I reply softly as to only be heard by Gandalf.

"I hardly believe we will run into any evil so early on in the journey, you need not to be alert as of now." His voice is merriful as he says this and it is hard not to smile at the warmth of his voice.

"'Tis never too early to be alert mellon-nin; you cannot forget to expect the unexpected."

"True these words are, but I am sure the hobbits would enjoy your company for 'tis obvious they have taken a liking to you."

"As I have to them." I respond in a reassuring tone. "I was simply performing my duty to the fellowship."

"And we appreciate that, but you need not ignore us either." He says with a calm tone as to soften the harsh words. "What I am trying to say is we desire your company Legolas."

"I realize that and I am sorry if it seemed I was being rude Gandalf, twas not my intention."

"I know that dear elf, I wasn't trying to imply that you didn't want our company because you don't consider any of us to be friends. I was simply telling you that we are your friends and you need not to be so far ahead of us as of yet." He says with a reassuring smile as he lays a hand on my shoulder. His expression quickly changes to concern, however. "What ails you Legolas?"

"'Tis nothing Gandalf." I say with a tight smile, even though I tried to make it more convincing. "Just preparing for the journey ahead of us."

With that said, I slow my pace even more and am now walk along side Pippin who has decided to instantly strike up a conversation. This wee hobbit's passion for knowledge causes a smile to form on my face as he asks me of Mirkwood, and for the time being all misery is pushed to the back of my mind.

TBC...

Elvin Translations:

Mellon-nin... My friend

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**A/N: This is my first Lord of the Rings fic so please be gentle with me. small smile**


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Night has fallen and it was decided about thirty minutes ago that we would stop for the night as so the fellowship could rest up for the upcoming day of travels. Being an elf I do not need rest like the others acquire. However, having the opportunity to sit down against an oak tree is appreciated. All day my mind was plagued with thoughts of Aragorn and Boromir, but a joyful and curious hobbit named Pippin was a welcomed distraction for the most part. I haven't known the Halfling for very long, but already I can feel a bond forming. He has somehow squirmed his way into my heart, even if unknowingly, and has become a friend whom I know I will cherish for all my days.

I have successfully managed to avoid Aragorn at all costs and haven't even allowed myself the privilege of even a glance in his direction for I know in the end it would just add to my misery. There is no doubt in my mind that he has noticed my behavior, though, for every so often I could feel his eyes on my form. There is an awkward tension in the air between us that I know he is confused about, I am just thankful he hasn't confronted me on it. I don't want to give away the fact that I heard his and Boromir's secret conversation the past night, I would much rather ignore it and stay at a great distance from both mortals, it is better for all of us I believe.

I cannot deny that I feel as though I am dying inside, however, and am now regretting the fact that I ever volunteered to take this quest upon my shoulders. On some level I feel honored to be here and I wish to protect those that I have befriended, but in the same instance it is killing me to be near Aragorn. I know this is something I will have to find a way to deal with for I refuse to back out now, but I also wish that this could somehow be easier. I wish I didn't love Aragorn as much as I do, I wish I didn't have to hurt so much. Haldir warned me about falling in love with a mortal, said it was a dangerous path, but at the time I had refused to listen to him. Now I wish I hadn't been so foolish! How could I ever have thought that Aragorn could love me? Besides, I am an elf and he is a mortal... a relationship would never have worked out. He is better off with Boromir and I have come to accept my fate. I know I will never love another for I have eternally given my heart to Aragorn and in turn this love I bear will be my demise. I never once considered that something so beautiful as falling in love would be my downfall. To say that I have known what love feels like though, the bad and good, then I will be ready to leave Middle Earth when the time arises and I hope to do so with a smile upon my face.

Deciding quite abruptly that I would enjoy some time alone, I push away from the tree and gracefully climb to my feet. My actions, though almost soundlessly, catches the attention of my companions and they stare at me in question. I lightly inform them that I would insist upon some time to myself before slowly making my way through the trees within my path. Gandalf commands that I not wander too far away from camp in case of an attack and I nod my head in a silent reply. Without another glance back though, I continue my walk through the forest and allow it to put my mind a little at ease, at least as much as possible anyway.

The gentle sway of the tree branches and the soft ruffle of leaves caused by the wind comforts me somewhat, relaxing my surprisingly tense body. I continue my slow stride through the forest and come across a fallen tree. Sitting upon the fallen trunk I allow myself to close my eyes, a long sigh escaping me. This is going to be a long journey and we have barely crossed enough ground, I wonder how I will manage within the company of the one I love and the one he loves. It seems almost unbearable, and perhaps it is, but I must keep moving forward. I will do my part for the fellowship and try not to let my heartache show, I am sure it won't be too difficult.

"Legolas, I wish to speak with you a moment if you not mind." Aragorn's voice is suddenly heard from in front of me and I open my eyes quickly to see him looking warily at me.

"You may speak, though I was hoping for some time to myself."

"I was aware of that, and usually I would respect your wishes fair elf, but I am also aware of the tension between us and it confuses me greatly. Have I done something to offend you Legolas?" He asks softly and I feel slightly guilty for he looks so lost, but I am also feeling quite depressed at the moment as well.

"Nay, you have not offended me Aragorn... I have simply come to realize something I suppose I had always wished to ignore."

"I know naught of what you speak about Legolas, could you please explain it to me?"

"Aragorn, you are aware of how deep my feelings run for you, you understand that I have loved you for a great deal of time now." When he nods his head I decide to continue; just wanting to get this all over with. "I guess I somehow lead myself to believe that one day you would return my feelings and I realize now how foolish that was."

"Legolas, I..."

I don't allow him to finish, however, there is something I need to get out in the open and I intend to do so... it might make this quest a little easier if even just by a fraction. "Sometimes the one you fall for isn't ready to catch you and I believed that within time you would grow to love me; you would catch me before I hit the ground. I was foolish for believing such a thing for I know you have given your heart to another."

He looks up in surprise when he hears those particular words leave my lips and I smile somewhat morosely at him. "You... you know of me and Boromir? But how... I mean, we were so secretive about it."

"I am an elf Aragorn, it didn't take me long to figure it out."

"Legolas you mustn't..."

"My realization won't reach another's ears mellon-nin; your secret is safe with me. I just hope you are truly happy with Boromir and I wish you all the luck the world has to offer."

"But what about you?" He asks in concern.

"'Tis not your place to worry about me, I will be fine. It hurts, I won't deny that, but I truly am glad you found your soul mate Estel." I say softly, reverting back to his childhood name and he seems pleased to hear it.

"I apologize for causing you such undeserved pain Legolas, but please know that I never would have wanted this to happen to you. What could I possibly do to help you?" He asks desperately.

_There is no way you will possibly consider leaving Boromir so 'tis useless, there is nothing you can do for me Aragorn so don't burden yourself with a hopeless task. Nothing you could do or say would stop yourself from breaking my heart and I believe we both know this_, I think sadly to myself before raising my head to meet Aragorn's gaze. "There is nothing you can do for me mellon-nin, no matter how badly you may want to... I am beyond help at this point." I say soothingly as to soften the harsh words, though his face falls the instant these words leave my lips.

"I am so sorry Legolas." He apologizes in what sounds to be a broken tone of voice.

"Would you please grant me some time alone now, I won't be gone for long." I request softly.

"I know not if I should leave you alone." He protests with an expression of hesitance gracing his handsome features.

"Leave me be Aragorn. Honestly, I will be alright. I will be back at camp before you know it." I say with a laugh and soon that hesitance leaves his face.

"Hannon le, mellon-nin." He responds in elvish before making his way through the trees.

As soon as he is out of sight I allow my false happiness to slide from my features and almost instantly tears fill my eyes, but I refuse to let them pass through my barriers. I must be strong, I am a warrior, after all... it shouldn't be this hard to keep tears at bay and behind the eyelids where they belong. My heart, however, is in great pain and I know of naught that can put it at ease. I don't see how I could ever let Aragorn go, but I did give him and Boromir my blessing and that was hard enough. I meant what I said, though; I truly do hope he has found true happiness with Boromir. I love Aragorn and wish him all the happiness the world has to offer, if Boromir brings him happiness than perhaps he is better off with him than with me.

I know he worries about me for he knows an elf can die of a broken heart, but I wish not for his concern... it is unneeded. I believe he is aware of how deeply my feelings run now, he knows it is no mere crush that inhabits my entire being, and I can see that this scares him. He may not love me in return, but he does not wish for me to die for him because of it. He tries not to show how worried he truly is, but I can see clearly past the mask into the depths of his soul... he is concerned. That is why I must do everything in my power to not be so weak during this journey; I cannot allow him to see my slowly dimming light and breaking heart. He must be blind to it, things would be best that way. I wish no guilt or pain upon him and don't want him to helplessly watch me die right before his eyes... I know he would carry it with him for the rest of his days. No it would be easier on both of us if I kept it a secret.

_And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine  
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine  
Just take your love and hit the road  
There's nothing you can do or say  
You're gonna break my heart anyway  
So just leave the pieces when ya go_

TBC...

Elvin Translations:

Mellon-nin... My friend  
Hannon le, mellon-nin... Thank you, my friend

**Lyrics:**

**Leave the Pieces - The Wreckers**


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

As the fellowship sleeps around the dying fire I turn over in my bedroll restlessly; once again finding myself unable to sleep. My mind is filled with thoughts of the one who sleeps not too far away and won't allow me a moment's rest. Boromir stands watch a few feet away with his back turned in my direction. The man stands tall and proud, prepared for any danger that may arise. In a way I envy him... because he holds the heart of my love and because of the confidence that surrounds his being. Underneath the rough exterior I find lies a good hearted man and I find it hard to dislike him. I want so desperately to despise him for he took Aragorn away from me before I could even have him in my grasp, but I know that only comes from the jealousy lying in my heart. In the beginning I disliked him for how he treated Aragorn, but now I know that was all an act. I can see that he truly cares about Aragorn, and I surely can't hate him for that.

Silently, I watch as he turns away from his post and makes his way toward Aragorn. He does not realize that I still lie awake, and I make no movements to give myself away. With as much grace as a mere mortal can possess, I watch as he bends down beside the sleeping Aragorn and lightly runs his fingertips along a chapped lip. Aragorn murmmers something in his sleep, but it is undistinguishable even to my elven ears. Boromir chuckles at this and seems to decide to wake his love up when he gently shakes the other man. Aragorn startles awake, and instantly reaches for his sword that rests beside him but ceases his movements when a familiar hand comes to rest upon his own. I watch in a sort of morbid fascination as he lifts his gaze to Boromir and want to weep when I see the smile that overpowers his face at seeing the one he loves.

With a silent command in his eyes, Boromir rises to stand and Aragorn is soon to follow. I remain as still as I possibly can as I watch the two lovers make their way into the woods. I know naught of what they plan to do, but I have a good idea and I seriously don't want to linger on this thought. The thought of Aragorn being intimate with someone else pains me greatly and once again I am doubting my decision to join the fellowship. Certainly I could do without being in such proximity with the source of my pain, but I have a duty to the little hobbits and I would hate myself if I cowered out now. I feel trapped; unsure of which way I can turn.

A deep pain renders me breathless for a mere moment as I clutch at my chest and try to focus my thoughts on more cheerful things... it is to no avail, however. Tears burn the back of my eyelids when I close my eyes tightly and I will myself to be the strong being I have always known myself to be. The anguish caused from my heart eases but a second later and leaves no traces that it was ever there. I let out a sigh of relief as I open my eyes and blink away the tears that still reside there. My eyes are unfocused as I stare out upon the starlit sky only I don't really see a thing; my mind is rather numb at the moment. I wish for dreams to take me away so I may have some peace for even a short time, but it seems even my dreams won't allow me a moment's rest. I remain wide awake and very much aware of what could possibly be happening out in those woods. I vaguely wonder how many sleepless nights I will have while within the company of the fellowship for I know none of this will get easier with time. Letting go of Aragorn was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and the pressure of that single action is defeating me; breaking me down ever so slowly.

_After all this time  
I never thought we'd be here  
Never thought we'd be here  
When my love for you was blind  
But I couldn't make you see it  
Couldn't make you see it  
That I loved you more than you'll ever know  
A part of me died when I let you go_

**:0****Ж****0:**

I am already awake and partially ready to continue the journey by the time the fellowship rise with the sun. Aragorn seems well rested I must say and I don't want to think of what may have given him such a well rested night's sleep. The hobbits are busying themselves by making breakfast and this brings a smile to my face. It amazes me how much food these little ones can consume. Gimli is grumbling about being awake so early while Gandalf puffs on his pipe. It is a nasty habit in my opinion, but the foul weeds seem to put him at ease.

I am surprised to find Boromir standing by the tree I lean against and look up to see him staring down at my relaxed form. Instantly I feel self conscious and can't stop myself from snapping my head down to face my lap. He chuckles at this and leans down so he is at my level. Vaguely I wonder what he could possibly want, but don't voice this question aloud. I would much rather have him go find something to occupy himself with and simply leave me be. It would seem that no such luck is on my side, however, as per usual I should say now days.

"I see the way you look at him elf." He states simply, not taking his eyes off of Aragorn. I don't play ignorant and say I don't know who he is talking about... it would be no use.

"I am no threat to you Boromir so honestly there is no need for this conversation." I say with a sigh as I stare down upon my hands as if they are the most interesting things in Middle Earth.

"I just wanted to make it clear that he loves me as I love him and I don't want you thinking you have any chance with him by charming your way into his heart." He says with an edge to his voice that is undeniable. "He told me that you saw us that night in Rivendell..."

This time I turn to face him and he actually turns his head to acknowledge me. "I did overhear you, 'tis a fact, but you need not worry for I will keep your secret to myself. I wish no ill for you and Aragorn, I wish him to be happy. I see that you make him happy Boromir and 'tis all I could ask for... take care of him."

He seems shocked by my words to the point of being speechless for he persistently opens his mouth, but when no words form he shuts it just as hastily. I take this as my opportunity to escape this awkward situation and head in the direction of my weapons only to feel a hand on my elbow, stopping me from moving any further. Inwardly I curse whoever seems to have a grudge against me to continually put me in such situations before slowly turning to face Boromir once again.

"Thank you Legolas, that is very noble of you." He says in all sincerity and I can't hold back the small smile that forms on my face, even if it is only there for but a moment.

"There's no need for that," is my response before continuing my way toward my weapons.

"Breakfast is ready!!" Merry calls out excitedly and everyone chuckles at the hobbit's enthusiasm.

I simply watch as the fellowship take turns getting their breakfast; eager to fill their complaining stomachs. Watching them take such joy in something as simple as breakfast lightens my heart somewhat and I find a genuine smile upon my face. I don't keep my eyes trained on them for long, however, for I decide it best I place my weapons back in place on my person. I feel tremendously safer and at ease with my bow over my shoulder; firmly set in place.

At this moment Sam looks in my direction and frowns; this action confusing me greatly. Of course it is then that I see all of the fellowship has gathered their breakfast and I remain devoid of food.

"Are you not going to eat Mister Legolas?" Sam asks in concern and I have to smile at how caring he is, but the mere thought of food makes my stomach churn unpleasantly.

"I fear I have not much of an appetite this morning little one, I will not be eating 'til later when necessary."

These words draw the attention of the rest of my companions and I feel rather uncomfortable under their scrutinizing stares. I shift nervously from where I sit and have the urge to look away, but my pride won't allow it. I simply stare confidently back at each one of them... hiding how I am truly feeling.

"You must eat, though, we have a long journey ahead of us and you must keep up your strength." Frodo tries to persuade me and I silently thank him for his concern.

"Worry not for my strength for I have enough to get me through, just eat your breakfast like we all know you are wanting to..." I say in turn with a small smile on my features, but when he doesn't make a move I add, "... before it gets cold."

This seems to draw his attention back to his abandoned breakfast and begins hurriedly eating. I turn my focus onto the path that lies to the left of me, but I can still feel the eyes of Aragorn and Gandalf upon my form. They can clearly see that something is amiss, but I don't look in their direction to confirm their suspicions. I couldn't bear to look into Aragorn's searching eyes and unwillingly let him see into the depths of my soul. I can not allow him to see the agony in which lies deep within.

_And I loved you more than you'll ever know  
A part of me dies when I let you go_

TBC...

**Lyrics:**

**Unknown**


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

The journey to the Misty Mountains was an uneventful one, that is until we reached a certain area when the snow began to fall. From there on the snow became harder and thicker as we climbed higher and even higher. This weather condition had little if no affect upon me, but my weary companions were troubled by it. The poor hobbits were practically waist deep within snow while the taller beings and myself had snow up to our calves. All were freezing, but myself who is barely affected by the cold.

I glance to my left when I feel a half frozen body slam into me only to find a shivering Pippin trying to make his way through the snow. I cease my movements and bend down until I am eye to eye with the frozen hobbit. I can hear his chattering teeth as he looks at me in a pleading fashion. Of course, I take pity upon him, I cannot stand to see him suffering. With a strong arm I lift him up; deciding to carry him for a while... just long enough for him to warm some. Glancing behind me I see Boromir lifting a trembling Sam while Aragorn places Frodo in his protective arms. Merry, however, looks at me with a pout on his blue face and I can't help smiling at the expression, motioning for him to come to me. A wide smile graces his face as he struggles to reach me and I can hear the others' joyful laughter as they watch him. Deciding to take pity on him, I move the rest of the way in a few short steps and pick him up as well.

Both hobbits place their heads against my chest as we push further up the mountain, but I can hear Gimli grumbling from behind about Hobbits being carried while he has to suffer the chill of the god awful snow. I turn my head slightly to look back at him and have to resist the laugh that threatens to escape at the sight of the dwarf. He is just about waist deep in snow, but the funniest part of the sight is the mountain of snow that has gathered on his head.

"I highly doubt you would appreciate being carried Gimli." I say quite fondly and this earns me a glare from the rediculous looking dwarf.

Fortunately he just huffs, but says not another word. Turning my head forward, the smile graces my features a bit longer as we continue walking. I can hear Boromir speaking to Aragorn, but choose not to focus on their words. I am aware they wouldn't speak openly of their love in front of the hobbits though, so I know their conversation is not about that but more likely about the journey, or of maybe their kingdom. Either way I know it is not my buisness so I do my best to stay out of it and not eavesdrop on a conversation where I am surely not wanted.

We stop walking when Gandalf comes to a halt and I question him with my eyes when he turns to look at us. In a commanding tone he tells me to go ahead and scout the area. Without arguing, I place Merry and Pippin on the snow covered ground and move ahead with not so much as a word. I can feel the fellowship's eyes upon my back as I move attop the snow and once I am finished scouting the area, making sure all is safe and checking the road ahead, I make my way back in their direction.

"The road ahead is long and I am afraid it seems the snow becomes deeper." I say just before a rumbling sound is heard from above our heads.

I look up just in time to see a wave of snow heading straight for us. Apparently Gandalf sees this as well for he suddenly yells for all to take cover. With quick movements, we throw our bodies toward the mountain side. I make sure Pippin and Merry reach the mountain side, but before I make it I am covered roughly by fallen snow that closes in all around at a rapid pace.

When the rumbling and earth quake motions cease I begin to dig my way out of the snow pile. For some reason I seem to be buried beneath ten feet of snow so it takes a great deal of time for me to find the surface. I can hear voices, they sound far away, but I can hear the words clearly.

"Is all alright?" Gandalf's rough voice asks.

"A little snow never hurt anyone I suppose." Boromir responds in a somewhat cheerful voice as Aragorn agrees with a laugh.

"Stupid snow, it be an awful thing I tell ya... the devil sent it himself." Gimli grumbles and I have to smirk at this, typical Gimli sentence.

"We are alright thanks to Legolas." Pippin says in a panting voice. "Where is Legolas?"

At this I hear some shuffling as all look around for me and I try to speak out to them, but somehow get a mouthful of snow that prevents me from speaking. _Just wonderful, now my mouth feels numb_, I think bitterly to myself as I once again try to make my way to the surface.

"Legolas... Legolas, where are you?" Gandalf calls out.

"Legolas, say something." Aragorn's sweet voice rings out, dare I say he sounds a bit concerned.

I grumble out a resonse, but it sounds muffled and I have to wonder if I can even be heard. Pushing my hand up higher I sigh in relief when it is breaks through the snow and is met with naught but air. A slightly chilled hand wraps around my own and pulls until my head and torso is no longer confined within snow. I shake my head to rid it off excess snow as the hand releases mine and I raise my eyes to meet Aragorn's. He smiles at the sight of me and I give a small one of my own in return, feeling overwhelmed by his caring eyes.

I struggle a moment before I am able to stand and then proceed to brush the remaining snow from my clothing as best as I can. I find Boromir holding onto my shoulders, as if to steady me, as if I need help keeping my balance or something. This of course is not a problem for me since I am an elf, but I do not say anything to him about this. If it makes him feel any better to think that he is helping me then I will not be the one to embarrass him.

"How do you fare Legolas?" Gandalf asks in concern.

"I fare fine Mellon-nin, twas simply difficult for me to get out from beneath so much snow." I reassure him as best as I can, giving him a warm smile.

"I for one do not think we should continue this way." Gimli speaks up after a moment of silence.

"And what would you suggest we do instead?" Gandalf asks in what sounds to my elven ears to be annoyance.

"There be the Moria mines just below the mountain, if we go back the way we came we could take that path instead of getting stuck in the snow and possibly freezing to death."

Gandalf looks unsure of this plan, and I for one am feeling rather uneasy about the idea. I in no way want to go underground where no sunlight can reach. It is not for me to decide, however, and my pride refrains me from complaining or voicing my fears. I just silently hope and pray that we do not decide to take that plan of action. I honestly do not know how I would fare being confined in such a dark place.

Unfortunately for me Gandalf says to let Frodo decide and just by looking at him I can tell which path he chooses to take. So when he says we are to take the path through Moria, surprised I am not. Being his size I can understand why he would choose this path, but that doesn't mean I don't remain unsettled at the idea of it. I would much rather continue with the path we are heading, but do not voice my opinion. The decision has been made and there be not a thing I can do about it. I can only try to remain my calm and cool facade as well as my composure. I cannot let on to the rising panic within my being.

So, grudgingly, I follow along behind the others as we make our way down the mountain; trying to summon up the courage to go inside Moria. Aragorn glances behind him in my direction and instantly I know he is aware of how I am feeling. This really shouldn't surprise me, however, because he was raised by elves and knows that the darkness of mines can make an elf go insane. An understerstanding passes between us and I try to draw what comfort I can from his sympathtic, yet encouraging expression.

**:0****Ж****0:**

I grab a hold of Aragorn's shoulders as I rush the both of us into the mine and watch with growing dread as the enterance caves in. After all settles down and we are left within unsettling silence Gandalf uses his staff to provide light and Aragorn removes himself from my arms. The loss of his warmth puts me at unease, but I don't let my current feelings show.

Gandalf asks if we are alright as he looks over each of us in turn and when he is assured that all of us are unharmed he says that we have no choice but to push onward through the mine. This does naught to put me at ease and I am quick to follow closely behind him, staying as close to the light as I can without making my actions noticeable. I cannot have the fellowship seeing my weakness, even as a growing feeling of dread and regret settles in the pit of my stomach.

TBC...


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

My heart is heavy with grief and despair, and yet I cannot properly mourn the loss of Gandalf. All within the fellowship are stricken with grief and are dealing with the loss in the only way they can. We have the quest to think about, however, and I know I must keep my mind focused on that. I will have much time after the journey to mourn the loss of a good friend, but for now I must keep my thoughts on the road ahead. I know Gandalf would not want us to grieve over him while there is still a long journey ahead of us.

We have arrived in Lothlorien and have met with the Lady of the Wood, and now we are all simply trying to rest our wary bodies as well as our souls. We will be here for but a few days, and all within the company could use the rest and the peace that these woods provide. I intend not to take this time for granted, for I am in need of some tranquility as well as solitude.

The hobbits are all huddled together; offering one another comfort and friendship. Those little men never cease to amaze me. They may be but little beings, but their hearts are strong and big. They are there for each other through thick and thin; through grievous times. They appear to have never seen the world outside of the Shire, but their braveness is something to marvel at. I am proud to know such lovely souls, and I would protect them with my life.

Gimli is easing his pain and loss with the wondrous food that Lothlorien has to offer. The dwarf has made quite an impression on me. He may grumble a lot, and he may have thrown an insult or two my way at the beginning of our journey, but he has proven to be a trustworthy companion. His playful sense of humor lightens my heart and our teasing banter fills me with joy for a short while. I never knew I could be so fond of a dwarf, but he has proven otherwise. I don't know what I would do without his presence within the fellowship for he keeps me moving forward in our journey.

Aragorn and Boromir have secluded themselves on the outside of our sleeping quarters and are speaking quietly amongst themselves. I could easily hear their conversation if I wished to, but I have no desire to hear of what they speak. It is obvious that they are comforting one another in the loss of Gandalf and I am pleased to know that Aragorn has someone to share his pain with. The only pain this brings me is that I am not the one he turns to. Not that I ever expected him to turn to me, but it is something I would be delighted for.

He has not spoken to me since we left the caves of Moria, and I have yet to find how I truly feel about that. In some ways I long to have deep and meaningful conversations with him in the expanse of a long period of time, but I know that would inevitably cause me soul crushing pain because I know who he would turn to when all is said and done. His heart will not belong to me no matter how I wish it so; has never belonged to me. He holds my heart in the palms of his hands, but I know that will never be mutual.

Just the mere thought brings me unimaginable anguish and I have to place my hand against my chest when I feel a searing pain from within. The pain is enough to make me want to cry out and my head is becoming increasingly dizzy. Softly my breath is coming out in pants and I look around frantically to see if anyone has noticed.

The sigh of relief that leaves my lips is soft when I realize that no one is paying me any attention. This relief is short lived, however, when the pain within my chest increases. I know I must slip away silently, for I know that at any given moment my condition will be revealed to the fellowship's eyes and that is the last thing I desire.

Keeping my footfalls light, I tread backward trying to look as unsuspicious as I can manage, and flee from my companions once I am sure they will not take notice. I know naught of what direction I am heading, nor do I know of my destination at this time, all I know is I need to find some solitude where no one will suspect that anything is wrong. In my heart I know what is happening inside of me, and the knowledge disheartens me, but I cannot risk having the others finding out as well. I have sworn to fight this battle and to keep the ring bearer safe, and in order to do that I must put my broken heart in the back of my mind. I only hope that my heart is strong enough to get me through the quest, for I would hate to abandon them in their time of dire need.

With a deep and heavy sigh, I lean my weary body against the solid trunk of a tree when I can no longer push my legs another step forward. The pain within my chest is now naught but a dull ache; serving as a reminder of what is to come and nothing more. I am still slightly out of breath, however, and cannot quite seem to get it back just yet, so I lower myself to the grass covered ground and lean my head back against the beautiful weeping willow.

It is kind of ironic how I would choose such a tree to rest my weary body upon, for my mind and soul is laden with emotional agony. I not only grieve over my unrequited love for Aragorn, but my heart is heavy with the loss of a good friend. In the mines of Moria I was pleased to welcome a deep friendship with Gandalf. He was the only one who knows about my situation and the only one I could confide in. Sure, Aragorn and Boromir know of how I feel, but it is not like I can go to them when my heart is causing me too much pain. Gandalf had come to me in the dark recesses of Moria while the others had been resting, though, and told of how he was aware of the grief suffocating my soul.

_"You must fight little Greenleaf, you cannot let your despair lead you to Mandos. Many here would grieve your loss for you have made friendships that last a lifetime. I know I would be devastated if we lost you to the matters of a broken heart."_

I cannot help but smile as Gandalf's voice enters my mind. His words had really touched me and left me not feeling so alone in my misery. I had a friend I could confide in, and confide I did. I spoke of not just my anguish over Aragorn, but also of my fear of the darkness of Moria.

Moria is a place that no elf should ever have to enter. A place in which no sunlight can reach and time has no significance. I had no telling of time within the darkness, we could have been there for a few short hours or for a few days time. It had felt like forever to me and my heart was pounding in panic. Gandalf had comforted me the best of his ability, though, and even Aragorn tried to help me keep my sanity. He is aware of how tormenting a place like Moria can be for an elf and I was touched by his concern.

_"I am here for you Legolas, this place may be dreadful, but you are not alone. Before you realize it sunlight will be caressing your skin once more and fresh air will be filling your deprived lungs. Be the strong warrior that I know you are, Legolas, for nature is awaiting your return, and in the meantime I am by your side. Do not be afraid to lean on me, let me be your light to lead you through this darkness."_

I do not know if he was aware of just what his words implied and meant to me, but I do know he only meant it as a friendly gesture. Oh, how I wished for those words to be meant in a lover's fashion, but I was not naive enough to allow myself to believe he leant me any more than his friendship. I was grateful for his friendship, of course, but I chose to lean toward Gandalf for guidance and support. I love Aragorn with all my heart and soul, but I felt more comfortable leaning on Gandalf for I know my heart would try to reach out to the ranger and it wouldn't be able to handle the separation that would inevitably come.

_"I know you love Aragorn, and he has no knowledge of such a gift he has been given, but do not let your shattered heart rip you away from this world Legolas. He may not love you in the sense that you long for, but he does care for you. You may not believe it, or even see it for that matter, but he sincerely cares deeply for you. You should embrace his friendship and be grateful for it. Life does not end simply because his heart lies with another. I will be here for you little Greenleaf, unleash your heavy burden upon me for I am more than happy to try to ease your wounded heart."_

I am quite startled when a tear slides down my pale cheek for I had not noticed the sting of their presence within my eyes. I place my finger against my face to catch it on the pad of my thumb and simply stare at it in amazement. I have not shed any tears since discovering Aragorn and Boromir in Rivendell, nor did I shed any when we lost Gandalf, but now a single solitary tear moistens my finger tip and I am unsure what to do. The urge to finally cry is impatient within my chest, but I fear I won't be able to stop once I start. I also fear someone stumbling upon me in such a state, for I have no desire for anyone to see me in such a condition. I am a warrior caught within a perilous time and the last thing I should be doing is shedding tears. However, another tear slides down my face before I can stop it.

I am startled, however, when the snapping of a twig captures my attention. My eyes glide over to my visitor and I find it difficult to swallow; I have been caught.

TBC...


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

My eyes glide over to my visitor and I find it difficult to swallow; I have been caught. I wish to tear my eyes away from his face and away from his inquisitive yet concerned gaze, but I find I have no strength to do so. I feel frozen in place, much like a statue. I am sure my eyes are wide in panic for I can feel them bulging out of my skull. I had not wished for anyone to see me in such a state, but now he stands before me; watching me as I fall apart.

I drag my eyes away from his form and stare down at the ground in shame. Elves are known for their strength and grace, I am not feeling much like an elf at the moment. I still may have the grace I was born with, but it feels as though my strength is slowly seeping out of my body. I am finding it more difficult by the day to hide my misery, and for this I am ashamed. I do not want him to see how far gone I am. I do not wish for anyone to see what I have become.

I hear his near silent footsteps draw closer but I do not raise my gaze. I cannot bear to see the expression on his face, nor do I wish to see realization dawn in his eyes. I know it is only a matter of time before he becomes aware of my condition and I am dreading that moment. I don't want anyone to pity me, but what I fear most is for anyone to be disappointed in me.

Anyone who truly knows me is aware of the fact that I have never allowed myself to open my heart to someone. I have never had the desire to fall in love, nor did I feel the need for a lover. I was happy with my life and with what I had. I was content with finding solace in the beauty of Middle Earth, and I found joy only in archery and nature around me. I am a warrior, and proud to be so. The few cherished friends I had were all the company I desired.

Don't get me wrong, though, I was curious about love and the joys of intimacy shared between bodies. I wondered what it would be like to give a person such devotion that they became your entire world. And I wondered what it felt like to have them give the same in return. But I had never felt the need for it. I had never longed for a lover's touch, not like others have. What I felt was more curiosity than anything, but it was never a strong enough feeling to make me pursue it.

However, Aragorn had snuck up on me unawares. He crawled under my skin without my knowledge, and it was too late by the time I realized what was happening; there was no escaping him from then on. With how he treated me, a sane being would have given up, but I was in too deep. I knew Aragorn wasn't fond of me, didn't desire my company, but my heart couldn't leave him alone. I had made myself believe he would return my affections one day, that he would see how much I love him and in turn he would search his heart to find that he had loved me all along without the knowledge. I realize now how foolish I had been, and I know he will never love me the way I wish him to. That is why this hurts so much; why I have taken this situation so hard.

"I am not happy to see such a somber expression on thy face Legolas, it concerns me greatly. 'Tis such a sad sight to behold, a creature with a heart of gold should never be so melancholy."

I wish to give him a small smile of reassurance, to quell his concerns and any fear he may feel, but all I can manage is a solemn expression as my eyes begin to water once again. Blasted tears, now is certainly not the time for them to make an appearance.

"I thank you for the concern Haldir, but I assure you I am fine. Has simply been a long journey, one that is not over yet. I am concerned about the road ahead is all, no reason for thee to worry."

"I fear the journey ahead is not the only thing troubling you cousin. 'Tis lying there within thy eyes, they tell a different story." Haldir places a gentle hand on my shoulder and I find myself leaning into the much needed comfort. "Something is taking you away from the world you love, someone has hurt you. Do not tell me the damage is beyond repair."

I let out a heavy sigh and close my eyes tightly. "I know naught of what damage has been done." It is a white lie that I know I shouldn't have even tried to say, for I know Haldir can see right through it, but what has been done cannot be reversed.

"Please confide in me Legolas, do not allow yourself to wither away." The pleading I hear in his voice undoes me and the first of many tears seep out of the corners of my tightly closed eyelids; sliding down my pale cheeks.

"I have made the mistake of falling in love and now I am suffering the consequences."

"Love is not a mistake Mellon-nin; it is a beautiful emotion to obtain." Haldir whispers into my ear in a soothing tone of voice.

"It be not so beautiful when your heart's desire does not share your affections." I manage to say before a sob escapes my body, and I surrender to Haldir's comforting arms when he pulls me into an embrace. "I have never felt pain such as thus before Haldir, my heart cannot bear it. It's as though I can feel it tearing in two."

Haldir doesn't so much as speak a single word, but his arms tighten around my trembling form when I speak of my breaking heart. He knows words will do little for me now, so he offers the only thing the can and that is friendly comfort. I am grateful to him for it. I do not know him very well, but here he sits comforting a near stranger. This action tells me just how caring his heart is; shows me how good of a person he is. He doesn't have to sit with me, but he does so with no questions asked, and for a brief moment I wish I could have fallen for him instead.

An image of Aragorn's face enters my mind and makes me feel guilty for thinking such a thought. Despite my current condition, I do not regret falling for him. He is such a great person, and I truly believe I couldn't have fallen in love with a better man. In my heart, no one compares to him. He is very loyal and so brave. His heart is tender and filled with so many different forms of love. His smile is like a breath of fresh air, and I cannot imagine a day going by without hearing his soft laughter. If this love I hold for him takes my soul away from earth, I will consider myself blessed to leave this life in such a way for I cannot think of a more worthy cause. I cannot think of a more honorable death.

I am caught unprepared when a searing pain attacks my already bruised heart, and I clutch at my chest with my hands, knowing it will do naught to ease my agony, but I make the action nonetheless. I glance up at Haldir with pained eyes only to see a horror stricken expression coloring his features. He tightens his arms around me a little more, unsure of what more he can do, and whispers soothing words into my hair.

"Saes kela, saes." This plead is meant for the pain in my heart, but, as expected, it does no good.

"Amin hiraetha Legolas." Haldir says solemnly; his voice surprisingly filled with grief. "I wish there was more I could do for you. If I could take away your pain, I would do so immediately. I hope you know that."

"I am grateful for your care Haldir." I respond through gritted teeth as the pain in my chest begins to fade into a dull ache once more. "I wish there was a way to express my gratitude, but alas everything I come up with seems inadequate."

"That is not necessary Legolas, I am more than happy to be here for you in your time of need mellon-nin." Halidir says softly.

I watch silently as he takes a cloth out of his tunic and gently wipes my nose. When he pulls it away from my face I stare at it in horror when I see a little bit of blood tainting its pearl white surface; my blood. The proof of just how far gone I am glares up at me from the cloth, yet it feels so surreal to me. It leaves me to wonder how much time I have left. The crimson liquid cannot be a good sign, no matter how little there is. It is the proof I cannot deny though, I am most definitely dying and I know this. Haldir knows this as well now and seems stricken by it.

I am caught off guard when I feel the press of his lips against my temple, but I simply close my eyes and allow the soft kiss from a friend to ease my weary soul for at least a moment. Just his presence brings me comfort and it feels as though the heavy burden I carry has been lightened even in just the slightest fraction. What has transpired may not cease the inevitable, but it has brought me some solace even if just for the night. Having been able to speak of my broken heart to an elf has helped me at least a little bit, simply because he has an idea of what I am going through. I am just looking for someone to understand how I am feeling and no one understands better than an elf.

"I am sorry for interrupting, I was simply checking on Legolas." Aragorn's voice startles me and I look up to see him staring at us intently; an unknown expression within his eyes. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I... I am fine, thank you for the concern Aragorn." I reply when I finally find my voice to do so.

"Will you not be returning to the fellowship to get some rest?" He asks, and for some reason he cannot seem to stop staring at Haldir. Something flashes in his eyes, but it is fleeting and gone before I can determine what it was.

"I will be there shortly, but until then you should get some rest yourself. 'Tis not necessary for you to wait up for me, I will return when I am ready." I say softly; smiling quite genuinely. I cannot help but be flattered by the fact that he took the time and effort to search for me. I am a sentimental fool and I know this.

"Alright then, in that case I bid thee goodnight." Aragorn says after a moment.

He looks between Haldir and me suspiciously before turning and making his way back to the fellowship. I simply stare after his retreating form longingly; wishing for him to stay but unable to ask such a thing of him.

"So Aragorn is the lucky man to have captured thy heart, young Prince of Mirkwood." Haldir states with a soft smile gracing his features.

I cannot stop myself from groaning in frustration. "Is it that obvious, am I that transparent?"

"Aye, that dreamy smile on your face along with those love struck eyes leave little to question."

With a heavy sigh, I lay my head against his broad chest and stare at the place Aragorn stood a few moments ago. I vaguely wonder if it is possible to just stop loving someone, but deep down within my soul I believe to already know this answer. This knowledge does not bother me though; I would most definitely be lost without this feeling. The only thing that does bother me is knowing that this wonderful feeling with ultimately be my downfall.

I do not fear death. When my time comes I believe I will welcome it with open arms. My only concerns lie with Aragorn. How will his life be when I am no longer here? I will no longer be able to protect him; keep him safe from harm. I am sure Boromir will do just fine with this task, but it still worries me. I hate to leave him, but I know I have little choice in the matter now. And despite how he treated me before, he has become a dear friend to me and I know he will be hurt by my passing.

There is no doubt in my mind that he will live a long and joyful life. And those dearest to him will see to it that he takes the throne of Gondor. Many joys await him in life, that I know for certain. I only hope that years from now he will look back and smile when thinking of me.

_I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories_

TBC...

Elvin Translations:

Mellon-nin: My Friend  
Saes kela, saes: Please go away, please  
Amin hiraetha: I'm sorry

* * *

**Lyrics...  
I Will Remember You - Sarah McLachlan**


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

I cannot stop my mind from wandering as I silently make my way back toward the fellowship. The image of what I stumbled upon mere moments ago is burned behind my eyes and I cannot help but focus solely on it. I know naught of what these feelings are within my chest and I wish not to examine them, fearing the answer. It makes no sense why I cannot ignore what I just witnessed; can't get it out of my mind. Before the fellowship set out on this journey I wouldn't have given such a sight a second thought, would have been relieved at the possibility of being rid of my admirer. But now there is an unknown emotion swimming through my veins that has left me unsettled and thoroughly upset.

When I had went in search of the elf I had not expected to find him in the arms of Haldir. In all my years of knowing Legolas I have not once seen him allow such intimacy from another, his eyes alone told me that he wished only for my touch. Yet, there he lied on the green blanket of Lothlorien; clutching tightly to a warrior elf. It was a sight to behold, an unsettling one I must admit.

The moment I laid eyes on them, at the intimacy I was invading, I was struck with an emotion so strong that couldn't be ignored. Naught could have prepared me for what I was about to witness, nor could I have known what kind of feelings it would evoke within me. I dare not wish to dwell on what feeling it was, but I can't deny that I believe it to be jealousy, either. Why would I be jealous, though? I certainly have no right to be, I have no claim over Legolas. I am in relationship as it is, Boromir is my everything and I would be lost without him. But, yet, why can't I move past seeing Legolas in the arms of another? Why can't I let this go?

Shaking my head, as though this action will banish these unwanted thoughts from my mind, I make my way out of the darkness of the trees and towards Boromir. But the thoughts come unheeded even as my lover looks up at me and smiles warmly. I smile in return the best I can, not wanting him to have knowledge of the turmoil I am facing, and take my place beside him.

Seeing as how the remaining members of the fellowship are lost within their dreams, Boromir wraps his arms around my form and I lean back into his embrace. I smile when I feel the love emitting from his intimate gesture. _This is where I belong_, I come to this conclusion silently.

Banishing all thoughts of Legolas to the far recesses of my mind, I turn in Boromir's arms and place my palm gently against his cheek. He looks into my eyes imploringly and I am sure the love filling my soul at this moment is being reflected for him to see. Without a moment's hesitation, I close the distance between us and take the risk of being caught when our mouths meet in a passionate display of affection.

I tilt his head slightly for better access and slowly open my mouth, not wide enough for his tongue to slip past the barrier but enough for him to get a teasing taste of me. The moan that emits from him sends a shiver down my spine and I have to pull away before things become too heated; before we draw any unwanted attention.

Resting my forehead against his, I close my eyes and breathe in the familiar scent of him that always seems to calm me. Little ease is brought to my troubled heart, however. A sense of dread has been shadowing me since the fall of Gandalf and has been steadily increasing. I know naught of where this feeling is coming from. Could it be from losing a comrade, or is there real danger in our path? I feel that doom and tragedy lay ahead. I wish to stay here and evade the fate that lurks in the future yet have no choice but to move onward.

I am brought out of my despairing thoughts when Boromir shifts and our foreheads are no longer touching. Opening my eyes, somewhat reluctantly, I see the question within the brown depths of his eyes.

"You went in search of Legolas, and yet you returned alone. Is the elf alright, my love?" Boromir asks in concern.

This question brings Legolas, and what I saw, back to the forefront of my mind and I could almost groan in frustration. And I would, if not for Boromir being in my presence. I do not know how I would explain to him the thoughts racing through my head. Surely my confession would bring forth a negative reaction.

"Legolas was in the company of Haldir and said he would return when he is ready." I reply shortly, wishing to leave this subject alone.

Boromir's eyes are alight with mischief when I turn to look upon him once more and my forehead creases with a frown to my lips. "The elf has taken to some _**companionship**_ this night, has he?"

"I said company, not companionship." I respond a little too quickly, an edge to the tone of my voice that troubles me.

His eyebrows rise in surprise and he stares at me suspiciously, forcing me to look away in a mixture of shame and confusion. "He just finds it easier talking to another elf about his grief than a man, hobbit, or dwarf. Certainly you can understand." I realize that I am lying, I know naught of the reason Legolas sought out Haldir, but I cannot allow Boromir to analyze my reaction to his words.

"Aye, I can understand Aragorn," Boromir whispers, not taking his eyes off of me. "Still, 'tis good that he has someone at his side, even if just as company. It would be wonderful if he found companionship as well, though. The elf needs someone in his life to love; he knows naught of what he is missing out on."

"'Tis late, best we get some rest before dawn arrives." I say in way of avoiding the subject, though I don't miss the frown that crosses my lover's features.

Boromir nods his head after a moment and whispers, "Goodnight Aragorn," against my lips before applying pressure, kissing me tenderly before moving to lay a foot or so away from me as to not draw suspicion. I, however, let out a sigh and know sleep might not come to me so easily. My mind is still troubled and I have naught to keep it from conjuring up thoughts and images I'd rather not dwell on.

**:0****Ж****0:**

_The chill of the night air causes a shiver to run down my spine as a pair of nimble fingers removes the tunic from my torso and exposes my flesh. Those fingers find their way to the skin of my chest and I unashamedly relish in the pleasure the delicious caress bestows upon me. When the fingers leave my body I whimper in disappointment but a warm, wet mouth soon takes their place and lavishes my nipple with suction and soft nips._

Feeling as though I am not returning the favor, I grasp at my lover's soft hair and yank until a long expanse of neck is revealed to my hungry eyes. Lowering my head, I place my tongue on the base of his throat and lick a long strip up to his ear, taking the lobe between my teeth to softly nibble. A low keening noise escapes my lover at the attention his ear is receiving and I lower my head once again to his neck, intent on marking him as my own for the whole of Middle Earth to see.

The love and adoration I feel in my being is all consuming, an emotion so strong such as I have never felt before. I couldn't be more in love with my precious lover and I do not care who knows it. A love this strong and true should never be hidden; kept away from other's eyes. I want everyone to know how I feel about him, and he about me. I want them to know that I have found the love of my life, I want to show him off; let others see what an amazing being he is and know that he is mine alone. If I were to lose my life tomorrow, I would leave Middle Earth secure in the fact that I have known what true love feels like; I would leave with no regrets.

I cry out in surprise and unimaginable pleasure when I am suddenly sheathed within the tight warmth of my lover's body, feeling his inner channel tightening like a lover's embrace. Before I can behold the beauty that is his face he hides it against my neck and pants against the skin found there. Lifting himself, only to lower once again on my throbbing manhood, I groan at the sensation and entangle my fingers in his fine hair.

Despite the dizzying pleasure I am receiving, I still manage to smile when I feel his lips lavishing open mouthed kisses to the flesh of my neck. He always manages to make me feel so loved and adored, something I have never had with any other lover.

Finding it awkward to thrust in this position, wanting to give my lover the best of my love, I wrap my arms around his waist and swirl him around until I have him lying on his back. He gasps in surprise and clutches at my neck until he is settled once again. Leaning up on my elbows, I stare down at the beauty beneath me and take in his disheveled, lust ridden state.

My eyes travel to the golden hair spread out on the mossy ground, moving to flushed pale skin and landing on bright crystal blue eyes.

I startle awake, the remains of the dream still dancing before my eyes, and jump into a sitting position. Wildly, I look around me at the sleeping bodies; unable to keep the distraught expression off my face. I fear that if anyone were awake they'd be able to read my thoughts upon my features; know the dark secret that I am newly forced to keep.

I am unsure what to make of the dream that plagued my unconscious mind. I feel terrible, yet oddly joyous. What could that mean? Admitting that I enjoyed the dream, what was taking place, makes me feel dirty and perverted. What could have possibly brought on such a dream? Is it some hidden fantasy that even I was unaware of? Possibly some secret desire I have been harboring, one I was unwilling to face?

I cannot begin to understand why I was dreaming of Legolas in such a way, I am unnerved by it. Is it possible that I could have feelings for the golden haired elf? I am so confused, I know naught of how I should feel right now. I feel disoriented and out of my element. I am not supposed to be dreaming about _Legolas_; those types of dreams should be reserved solely for my lover, for Boromir. Yet, apparently, my subconscious has another in mind. Why could that be?

I can still recall all the emotions I felt, holding Legolas in my arms, slipping inside of him, feeling such strong love flowing through my soul. I loved him. No, I was in love with him. The love I feel for Boromir doesn't even come close to the love I felt in my dream for Legolas. I am still overwhelmed by the emotions I was feeling, it all felt so real. Could I possibly feel that way in real life? If I were to be with Legolas, in reality would I love him as much as I did in my dream?

I am afraid to know the answer, afraid to give in to that feeling and possibly find out that what I feel for Boromir has dimmed during the quest and have been directed entirely towards another.

I realize and acknowledge the fact that is was but a mere dream, but I still feel as though I have betrayed Boromir. My sinful mind has betrayed my love, lusting after and possibly loving another, and I cannot forgive myself. _Even if it 'twas unintentional, some part of me enjoyed the dream and wonders what it would be like in reality, and I am questioning my feelings in which at one time I was so secure in_, I think to myself somberly; reluctantly facing the truth of the situation. _I am undeserving of Boromir's love, I am unfaithful._

Unable to be so close to my lover with these unfaithful thoughts still so fresh on my mind, I rise to my feet and step away from the fellowship. One of the first things I notice is Legolas still isn't with us, but I don't allow myself to think too much on this. The last person I need to be thinking of is Legolas. Even thinking of the elf, though just harmless curiosity, makes me feel as though I am betraying Boromir.

Still, I have to wonder if Legolas is with Haldir, if he's been with him this whole time. What is truly between the two elves? Is Legolas simply searching out comfort from the other elf? Even so, seeing the way Haldir looked at Legolas makes me believe there are feelings there. And why shouldn't there be? Legolas is beautiful, after all, inside and out. One can be easily drawn to the Mirkwood elf, even if I hadn't been too fond of him at one point in time. I hadn't allowed myself to truly get to know Legolas, though, but now I see what an incredible being he is.

_Aragorn, you must stop thinking like this! What is wrong with you?_ I silently scold myself.

I feel like screaming because of the thoughts running through my own head. I feel horribly guilty because of everything, I feel as though I have been unfaithful towards Boromir but I also feel that my mind has betrayed me as well.

I decide the best thing for me to do at the moment is to take a walk and try to sort out my mixed up thoughts. Taking one last look at Boromir's peaceful face, a tear falls down my cheek and I have to turn away, walking with my head lowered as I head out into the darkness.

TBC...


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

I watch the dawn approach with pleased eyes, though the beautiful sight cannot seem to reach my heart, and lean back against the willow tree that became my bed on the night previous. I wasn't awarded with any sleep but that meant naught to me. I was far too upset to rest, anyway, so I stayed alert for the entirety of it and listened to the sounds of nature. Haldir spent the time with me, offering his friendship all throughout the night, which I will be eternally grateful for. His presence alone brought me a semblance of peace, at least for the time being.

I turn to my companion, seeing him watching the sunrise as well with a calm expression gracing his features. I cannot help but wish I were able to feel the peace that is radiating off of him, wish I could take pleasure in the beautiful morning like I once did. Wishing would be for naught, however, and I know this. I might as well accustom myself to how things are to be from now on.

I rise to my feet without a mere sound but Haldir still tilts his head in my direction, watching me carefully. I smile to the best of my ability, the feeling foreign on my face, and hold out my hand to him. He takes it after a moment and gracefully lifts himself up to stand beside me. With my eyes I express my gratitude for what he has done for me and he responds in kind, along with a nod of his head.

"Will you be returning to the Fellowship, Mellon-nin?" Haldir inquires softly, soft blue eyes imploring me.

"Yes, 'tis time that I rejoin them. I wish not to worry them and I yearn to see the Halflings again, they should be rising by now." I respond as I brush off fallen leaves and dirt from my leggings.

"Are the Halflings the only beings you wish to see this morn?" He questions knowingly, looking upon me with something akin to sympathy and pity.

I do not appreciate these expressions for I need no pity from anyone, nor do I want it. I realize the situation I have found myself in is dire but that does not necessarily mean I am unhappy. I have brought all of this upon myself, knowing ahead of time what the consequences would be, and I will not have anyone's pity. I am sure I do not deserve it, anyway.

I shall never regret my feelings for the ranger, not even death can evoke such a feeling within me. He may never feel the same in return but I will always love him. I love him for the man he is and is yet to become, not a day will go by when my love will not be with him. Even if I am not around in body my love shall go on long after I am gone. Love is perpetual; it will not die along with me.

My inner most thoughts and feelings must be displayed upon my face for Haldir is staring at me in silent lucidity. I turn my head to evade his eyes and quietly tell him that I must return to the Fellowship now.

"I shall keep you in my thoughts Mellon-nin." Haldir whispers, a hand placed on my shoulder. "I will pray that your ranger returns your love before 'tis too late."

I am not quite sure how to respond to this so I merely nod my head, small smile lifting my lips, and then I turn away, expertly making my way through the beautiful forest. Haldir does not follow me and I find myself relieved. I am forever in his debt for what he gave me last night, but I need a little time away from his understanding to collect and steel myself if I am to see Aragorn again.

Once I reach the Fellowship I find them awake, as I had expected, and they are already satisfying their hunger. The hobbits greet me with welcoming smiles and their usual chatter; instantly I feel at ease. It still amazes me how easily my mind is put to rest when in their company, they simply have a way of making all troubles disappear for the time being. I have to wonder, however, how long that will last.

I take a seat beside Pippin and thank him when he passes my breakfast to me. I am not feeling all too hungry this morning but I force myself to eat nonetheless, aware of the fact that I need to keep up my strength at least for my companions' sake. There are times when I regret taking on this quest, it is doing naught for my health, but one look at the hobbits reminds me of the reason I am here. They need me here and I will not let them down, I refuse to allow that to be a possibility.

I lift my head when I feel someone's stare upon my lowered head and am met with a pair of piercing eyes. I frown in confusion, silently questioning Boromir. He merely lowers his eyes and returns to his breakfast. His posture is tense, however, and hostility emits off him in waves. I could be wrong, he could just be upset. I have a strong feeling that he is not pleased with me, but I cannot begin to understand why. I have done naught to him; in fact, I thought we were becoming friends. I must have been wrong, though.

I do my best to avoid him, unsure about what has so suddenly turned his mood towards me sour, and silently finish my breakfast.

**:0****Ж****0:**

I make my escape as soon as the opportunity arises, disappearing once more into the forest. I felt strangely uncomfortable in Boromir's presence and could not bear it a moment longer. I still do not know what I did to anger him and I am not eager to find out, so I found it best to leave and let him be. I have a feeling it has something to do with Aragorn, but I made it very clear that I am no threat to him so I cannot begin to understand why he was looking at me in such a way.

I need to put Boromir in the farthest recesses of my mind and worry about it at a later time. Right now I seek solace and relaxation. A bath sounds appealing, I have not had the pleasure since we left Rivendell and I am beginning to feel less like an elf and more like an orc. I shudder at the thought and force my feet to move just a bit faster, eager to reach the crisp water I hear in the distance.

Stepping out of the trees and bushes I take in the sight of the pool, water sparkling in the early morning sun. Breath hitches in my throat, however, when my eyes land on Aragorn. He is standing in the shallow end, water reaching up to his waist. His chest glistens under the sunlight, appearance that akin to a God, with his hair sticking to his skin as though attracted. He looks far more beautiful than a human has any right to.

His eyes open a moment later, like I feared they would, and he startles when his gaze falls on me. Crimson floods my cheeks and I look everywhere but directly at him, scolding myself for being caught staring. I can only imagine the thoughts fleeting through his mind, must not appreciate my presence. I should have left the moment I realized the pool was occupied, and I would have had it been anyone else, but seeing _Aragorn_ in such a state froze me where I stood.

"I do apologize, Estel, I did not know you were already bathing." I say softly, lowering my gaze to the earth beneath my feet. "I shall leave at once and return when you are finished."

"Don't be silly Legolas." Aragorn laughs merrily and I relish the sound, having never brought such a sound from the man before. "There be plenty of room for the two of us, you need not leave."

I hesitate, unsure if this is a good idea, and I am sure my feelings are expressed upon my face. I fear I may offend him, though, if I refuse to bath with him. I do not wish for that, but can I share the pool with him when we are in such a state of undress? I suppose I am about to find out, for I cannot walk away now. I may never get this chance again and I am not about to let it pass me by. Doesn't matter that our sharing a bath is platonic, my desire is to spend time with him. I do enjoy our conversations, as rare as they are.

I nod my head to indicate that I am accepting his offer and wait till he is turned around to disrobe. I have never been self-conscious; nudity is a beautiful thing to elves, but the thought of Aragorn seeing me bare causes butterflies to flutter around in my stomach. I try not to think about the fact that any minute now we will be naked together, with only the water to cover us. I do not need my lower regions to become interested, I would never get over the shame.

Once I am completely bare, I make my way into the cool water and inform Aragorn that it is okay to turn around. He does so almost immediately and I raise an eyebrow at his movement. _Why such eagerness?_ I silently question and then scold myself instantly. _I must be searching too far into his actions, I am sure there is nothing for him to be eager about._

"The water is delightful, isn't it?" Aragorn makes conversation as he takes a handful of water and cleanses his chest.

I try not to watch the movement; lest I give myself away, and simply tilt my head back to wet my hair. "I am thoroughly enjoying this opportunity, mellon-nin. " I respond as I wash my hair quickly.

"Even I am enjoying the chance to bathe, and you should appreciate it while you can, we can not know when the next chance will come."

I shake my head, smiling in amusement, as I say, "I cannot begin to imagine how man can go so long without cleansing oneself."

"I almost forgot how prissy you elves tend to be." Aragorn teases lightly, smile lighting up his face.

Gaping openly, surprised by how comfortable he seems to tease me thusly, and I am unsure whether to laugh or exact revenge for his words. In the end I decide the latter would be more pleasing, as I lightly splash water in his direction; hitting him in the chest.

It would appear that it is his turn to gape, mouth hanging open as he stares at me, and I snicker behind my hand. My light laughter dies when a wave of water crashes over me and I sputter ungracefully. Aragorn is smiling smugly by the time I can breathe properly and right then the war is on. It can be said that one should not mess with an elf, especially one from Mirkwood.

With a childish glee, I send water flying at Aragorn and he responds in kind. He manages to hit me in the face each time but I don't mind, I get my revenge by grabbing hold of his shoulders and pushing him beneath the crisp water. He resurfaces once I release my hold, wiping his eyes and smiling widely. I smirk in triumph and cross my arms over my chest.

It hasn't occurred to me until now that we are standing face to face, only an inch between us, and instantly I am frozen where I stand. Aragorn is now staring at me, eyes searching with a soft expression alighting them and his face. My entire being wants to blush under the scrutiny but I steel myself, masking my emotions and thoughts.

"I never knew you were playful, Legolas." Aragorn whispers, warm breath caressing my face and I have to fight not to close my eyes contentedly.

"There is much about me you don't know Estel." I respond bashfully, looking up at him through my lashes.

The expression on his face is soft as he regards me openly. "I suppose you're right, I never took the time to get to know you… I am sorry mellon-nin."

"You need not apologize Estel, 'tis unfounded and unnecessary." I respond firmly; meaning every word.

"'Tis founded, Legolas, trust me. I wasn't very nice to you before, that was very wrong of me and I'm sorry. I see how amazing you are now, however, and I am asking to be given a second chance; I want to get to know you better."

I lose my breath from the sincerity I detect in his voice, he truly regrets how he treated me all these years and wants the chance to get to know me now. I do not quite know how to handle this information; it was unexpected and certainly unimaginable, till now.

"Can you accept my apology, little elf?" He asks softly, and I feel my heart beat accelerate when he takes a step closer to me; nearly skin to skin.

I begin to panic, which is uncharacteristic of me, when I see his eyes drop down to my mouth. When he begins to lean in I quickly stumble away, wide eyes fixed on him. He seems to come out of some kind of daze he had fallen into and stares back at me, apologetic eyes watching my every move. I continue to back away from him, admittedly afraid of what was happening between us.

"You are forgiven Aragorn, do not worry yourself. I have to go right now, though, I… erm, I shall see you when I return to the Fellowship." I quickly say, unable to give him an excuse for my abrupt departure.

I give him no time to respond as I rush out of the water, too eager to get away from him to care about my bare body. I gather my clothes quickly and take off into the solace of the trees. I re-clothe myself once I am at a safe distance away and lean against the nearest tree trunk, tears filling my eyes.

_Why is he trying to confuse me thusly? Is it all some sort of game to him?_ I question miserably, knowing I shall receive no answer. _My heart cannot bear all this strain and pain; he is not making it any easier._

TBC…

Elven Translations:

Mellon-nin... My Friend


	9. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

"Legolas, may I speak with you a moment?"

I stop walking when I hear Boromir's voice from somewhere behind me and I, albeit reluctant, turn around. I haven't forgotten how he was looking at me this morning and I have no desire to hear what he has to say. Not to mention I cannot seem to stop thinking about Aragorn and what transpired in the pool not too long ago. My mind is a jumble of mixed up thoughts, unsure what is truth and what is fiction anymore.

I cannot forget the way he leaned in, the air between us intimate and reserved for lovers only, and I wonder had I not backed away would he have kissed me? It is a crazy notion to entertain; certainly he harbors no feelings for me beyond that of friendship. Yet, still, what was happening between us in the pool? It had been intense and thrilling, but terrifying at the same time.

I am having a hard time looking Boromir in the eyes now because of that near indiscretion, though. If something had truly happened the guilt would have eaten me alive. Love is all eternal and precious, in my eyes, and I would never try to steal that away from another being, no matter how I may love Aragorn. I may desire with my entire soul to be with Aragorn, but I would never come between them, _**never**_.

"What do you wish to speak to me about, Boromir?" I ask quietly.

He motions me over to a cluster of rocks and we each take a seat, turning to face one another. There is conflict within his eyes of which he is unable to hide and I frown in concern. Why he would chose to come to me, of all people, is a mystery. I always assumed I would be the last person he would wish to express his fears and troubles to. I am an elf, after all, and he said himself that he believes elves to be beneath men. I may be a little bitter about that, but I will not cause a fuss for I know there is no changing his opinion.

_Maybe his opinion has changed, though_, I think to myself with a half smile. _He treats me no differently than the others in the fellowship, and there is no distain as far as I can tell, at least not till this morning._

"What ails you, my friend? I can see trouble in your eyes." I say softly, looking at him searchingly. "Do you wish to speak to me about it, is that why you sought me out?"

"Aye, I have come to you in confidence," Boromir finally replies, with a heavy sigh accompanying his words. "I am in need of a friend and I could think of no other than you, I am not as close to any of our companions."

I don't point out the fact that we are not technically close, either. "Don't think I am pushing you away, but why did you not seek out Aragorn? Certainly you would feel more comfortable speaking with him than me."

"Under normal circumstances I would, but this is concerns Aragorn, so I cannot turn to him." He explains sullenly.

"Are you having problems?"

Boromir is silent for a moment, contemplating his answer. I wait patiently for him to gather his thoughts, keeping my watchful eyes on him and witness the many emotions that cross his features. I have never felt all that comfortable with him, I have a feeling that may be because of Aragorn and the feelings I harbor for the man, but even so, Boromir has always made me feel a little uneasy. Maybe if Aragorn were not an issue and the fact that they have a relationship, maybe the air between us would be lighter and conversation would come easier.

This matters not, however, because he has sought me out and I shall be the friend he needs to the best of my ability. He really looks distraught as well and I would feel terrible if I were to turn him away. Besides, I cannot help feeling a little flattered that he thought to speak to me about his troubles, I never knew he trusted me above all the others in the Fellowship. There is no denying that I am pleased by this knowledge, especially since I assumed there would always be this boulder of tension between us because of my feelings for his lover.

He finally turns his sad eyes to me and nods his head. "I believe so." He answers vaguely. "I fear I may be losing him."

My eyes widen when I hear this, reminded of what transpired between Aragorn and me, but I try not to give Boromir access to my thoughts. He mustn't know about it, 'tis best that he stay blissfully ignorant. His words have me wondering about the ranger's actions towards me, though. I do not know what to think of him and what is going on in his head, especially now. I am still as confused as I was before and that is frustrating.

"Why would you say such a thing?" I ask, voice higher than before; nearing a squeak. I just want to slap myself for my stupidity.

"He was acting strangely last night, oddly defensive about certain things that I will not explain to you, I hope you understand."

I raise an eyebrow at this but do not question him; if he wishes to withhold that piece of information from me than I must respect that. "That is your decision," I say to show my understanding. "Go on."

He nods his head briefly before sighing and continuing, "It is there in his eyes, this shadow clouding them; the love within has dimmed and I do not know how to broche the subject. 'Tis in his touch, as well, it doesn't feel the same as it once had."

I am unsure what to say to this. What could I possibly say to ease his fears? I know as much as he does when it comes to what Aragorn is thinking and feeling. I guess all I can offer him is my attention, listening to him is all I have to give. It feels as though I am not doing enough but I am just going to have to deal with that.

"The distance that is growing between us is palpable and I feel so torn inside. He has been pulling away from me for some time now, I cannot help but to notice and I am unsure how to proceed. I don't want to lose him, Legolas, he is my everything." When Boromir says this I can practically feel the pain coursing through his heart and my sympathy just increases.

"You haven't lost him, Boromir, he obviously loves you still. I have seen the way he looks at you, you may think his love has dimmed but it certainly hasn't died."

"I fear there may be another in his heart," Boromir whispers, looking at me with haunted eyes and I find all breath leaving my body at once.

"It may be best if you were to speak to Aragorn about this, only he can quell your fears. There may not be another in his heart, it could be the quest… he has a heavy burden upon his shoulders, after all. That could be all it is." I try my best to reassure him but am unsure if I have succeeded.

He sits silent for a moment and then merely nods his head, as though doubtful. Then he stands and proceeds to walk away. I watch him go with something I can only describe as trepidation. He suddenly stops a few feet away and turns once more to address me; I steel myself for whatever he is about to say.

"I can see the beauty within you, elf; I can tell that you are a kind hearted person and I thank you for listening to me in my time of need." He says softly, warmth in his eyes for the first time that catches me off guard. "I know that he would be safe and loved with you. I am not about to lose him to you, though, you have to know that."

"I am no threat to you Boromir; I have already expressed that to you." I quickly say and rise to my feet when he turns away to leave once more.

"You weren't a threat Legolas, I know this, but I fear you may be now… only, not by your own hand. _You're_ not causing the threat, but it is there all the same." He responds, resolve emitting from his every pore. "Make no mistake, though, I _**will**_ fight for him."

Without giving me a chance to respond, he swiftly turns and disappears within the trees. I stare at the spot he vacated in a state of shock; unsure what to make of that conversation. _Boromir thinks that Aragorn loves me, he thinks __**I**__ am in the ranger's heart_, I say this a few times in my head, each time sounding more ridiculous than the one previous. _He couldn't possibly be right about that. Could he?_

My mind drifts back to what transpired between Aragorn and me and suddenly I am not so sure. Maybe the ranger has had a change of heart, despite how unbelievable that seems. It would explain Aragorn's actions and the air that surrounded us. I find myself not wanting to believe it to be true, however, because I would be devastated if I were to learn that he only thought of me as a friend. False hope is a sure way to break a heart and I don't think I would survive in the end. I am not ready to die yet; I have come too far to allow that to happen. The Fellowship is counting on me, I cannot let them down.

_No, Boromir is wrong, and soon enough he'll realize this_, I firmly tell myself. It is honestly the last thing I wish to believe, but I have no choice. I cannot allow myself to hope that Aragorn loves me in return, the consequences would be fatal.

With this firmly in mind, I make my way through the forest and meet up with the Fellowship a few moments later. Pippin greets me right away and I bend down so I'm level with him. He has grown quite attached to me for some reason, as I have to him, and he is by my side whenever he has the chance. Just the thought of the sweet hobbit puts a smile on my face.

Just as he asks me to tell him more stories of my homeland Aragorn approaches us. I tense the moment I notice him and cannot stop myself from avoiding his gaze. Whether he notices this or not, he doesn't say, though I'm sure he does because it is rather obvious. I feel strange in his presence now, no matter how much I hate it, and I am not quite sure how to act.

"We will be heading out in a few moments; we have a quest to complete, after all." Aragorn says, eyeing me briefly with an expression I can't discern, and then he regards Pippin with a smile. "It would be best if you gathered your belongings, I would like to leave as soon as possible."

"Of course, Aragorn," I finally respond, managing to lock eyes briefly before tearing my gaze away.

He walks away without another word and I watch him go, releasing a soft sorrow laden sigh. I am so torn when it comes to that man, especially now. Confusion and frustration surround my mind. I cannot seem to figure him out, and Boromir's words are continuously tumbling around in my head. I just don't know what to believe anymore, I feel lost and mixed up inside. Everything pertaining to Aragorn is a mystery that I am unsure I want to solve.

I tear my gaze away from Aragorn when he moves to stand beside Boromir, with that look in his eyes, and I feel the familiar ache in my chest. I look over to see Pippin watching me carefully, small smile on his face. I stare at him for a moment, wondering what he is thinking but unwilling to ask him. This little hobbit seems too observant for his own good, always thirsting for knowledge and interesting facts. I can't help but wonder if he can read me as well as parchment right now. I am too afraid to know the answer, though.

"You love him, don't you?" Pippin whispers, that smile still on his face.

_I guess I have my answer_, I think dryly. "I am that transparent?" I ask quietly, lifting my gaze to make sure no one else can overhear our conversation.

"Your eyes light up every time you see Strider and your eyes follow him." Pippin answers with a shrug of his little shoulders, still smiling. "It didn't take me long to put the pieces together."

"I was hoping no one would notice; I am not eager for anyone to find out, so please keep this to yourself."

"Your secret is safe with me, Legolas. I have a question, though." Pippin says with confusion on his face, I can't deny that the sight is endearing. "If you love him, why don't you tell him? Don't you want him to know so you can be together?"

"He already knows, little one." I reply softly, offering a small, sad smile. "He is already in love with another."

Sympathy fills Pippin's eyes and he catches me off guard by embracing me tightly; arms wrapped around my neck. "I'm sorry Legolas."

"Nay, little one, 'tis alright," I respond as I pull away. "I am happy for him; that is what you do when you love someone."

_True enough, I am happy for Aragorn. I love him and I want him to happy. I just wish I knew how to let him go_, I think miserably as we stand up and move to join the rest of the Fellowship.

We all bid our farewells to Galadriel, who in turns gives each of us a gift. When Haldir steps forward he pulls me into an embrace instead of placing his hand on my shoulder and I welcome it happily. I whisper my gratitude into his ear and he pulls away with a soft smile on his handsome face, squeezing my shoulder comfortingly.

"Take care of yourself, Legolas," he says softly, concern and fear in his eyes. "I fully expect to see you again, so don't disappoint me."

My breath hitches in my throat and tears fill my eyes as I look upon someone who cares. "I'll try my best, mellon-nin."

He leans in to place a tender kiss on my forehead and then we say our last farewells before I climb into the canoe, surprisingly reluctant to leave the warrior elf behind. Silently I wonder if I will ever see him again. _I sincerely hope so._

TBC…


	10. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

I try not to glance in the elf's direction as I guide the canoe through the Great River but I find my eyes betraying me time and time again. I want to scream out all the frustration and confusion I am distraught with but find that I cannot even utter a single word. In the depths of my heart I can say that I love Boromir, he is my reason for breathing, but I am beginning to question many things. I cannot help but begin to assume that I do not know my own heart anymore since it seems to desire to betray me and the one I love.

It has not escaped my knowledge that Legolas is a beautiful and ethereal being, with a kind heart and passionate soul. He has astounded me time and time again while on this quest, I have come to know him on a level I never suspected I would. I am drawn to his light and beauty, no matter how I resist and fight the temptation. 'Tis difficult not to yearn for his company, hear him speak with such passion of Mirkwood, watch his eyes alight when he looks upon nature itself.

The elf has opened a part of me that I had never acknowledged till now. I ache to learn more about his fair race; desire to witness the love his heart can provide. I had not known that I could feel thusly for the proud elf, never knew that I could look upon him and have the feeling of annoyance be absent while fondness is in its place.

I have always been aware of his feelings for me, though I believed them to be temporary, but I had not known that I could begin to feel something in return. I have been doing my best to fight them, however. After all, Boromir does not deserve an unfaithful lover. 'Tis so very hard, however, to pretend not to care for the elf on a deeper level than mere friendship.

'Twas difficult for me to witness that warrior elf embrace Legolas thusly and I felt the burning of jealousy within my stomach and breast. These are feelings I have no right to harbor, for I have no claim over the fair elf, but I cannot deny that I did not appreciate seeing Haldir embracing the elf I have come to be so confused over. When he kissed Legolas' forehead so tenderly I found myself reaching for my sword. Thankfully I had caught myself just in time, for I do not know how I would have explained myself.

Legolas is pure of heart and he deserves to be loved, he deserves to have someone look upon him with love and adoration. Looking into Haldir's eyes and seeing all that is within, I could see that he would love Legolas thusly if only given the chance. He could love the passionate elf and give all his heart to him, something I cannot do.

Still, I was pleased when Legolas returned to join the Fellowship, showing no signs of love and only friendship for the warrior elf, but now I feel horrid and selfish for feeling such an emotion. I cannot, and am unwilling to, give my heart to the elf. So what right do I have to wish him no companionship? How could I possibly condemn a love between the two elves? I should be happy for Legolas if he were to find the love he seeks in Haldir. Yet, I seemingly cannot do this. This must make me a horrible human being because without love what kind of life would Legolas certainly have? It would be unfulfilled, lonely, and laden with misery. How could I possibly wish that upon another?

I am steadily being punished by my own mind, which is consistently conjuring up images of the dream I had the night previous. I shudder at the mere thought of it; shudder pleasantly. The beauty I beheld in the dream, to witness Legolas in such a manor was exquisite and tangible. I have never envisioned a more endearing sight and the image lingers in my mind; behind my eyes. From what I saw with my own eyes this very morning in the pool tells me that my mind captured the elf's beauty fairly, though Legolas is far more captivating and ethereal in reality. Even now I cherish the delicacy of the elf's body.

Legolas' body is not all that my mind is burdened with; I also cannot escape the feelings I felt that seemed far too real for a figment of my imagination. I have never felt something all consuming and deep in my life, not even with Boromir, though it pains me to admit this. It was as though I had found what I had searched long and hard for. The elf was precious to me and I savored every waking moment with him. Now that I have awakened I find that I yearn to feel that way in reality and not just when my dreams envelope me.

I fear that my heart is falling for the woodland elf and there is naught that I can do to prevent it. My arms ache to embrace him in the way a lover would while my lips wish to learn how his mouth would feel against them and my fingers itch to touch his golden, silk tresses. My entire being longs to return the love he so effortlessly bestows upon me, yet I am afraid to allow it. I have promised myself to another so it matters not what my heart wants… I only wish I could make my heart understand.

I do so wish Mithrandir were here for I could use his advice and guidance, his wise words would be greatly appreciated in the time of my dilemma. Alas, he is not, however, and I must find a way to make the right choice on my own. My heart is telling me that I should venture toward another path and I not yet know if that would be a wise choice. I love Boromir still and I am unsure if these recently revealed feelings for the elf are true and everlasting.

_Is it possible to have enough room in a heart for two beings?_ I inquire desperately and full of doubt. _How could I give my lover the best of my love when another has captured my heart's attention?_

The elf has awakened feelings within me that I never thought I could obtain and a large part of me wishes to explore this further. I know that I mustn't, but my mind is having trouble getting through to my stubborn heart.

I recall our moment in the pool and shame fills my entire being. I know not of what I was thinking when I leant in toward Legolas. 'Twas something I should never have done and I haven't an idea as to why I did. He had just looked so beautiful standing there so very close to me with the fire in the sky alighting him, making his skin shine and his blue eyes brighter than usual; my eyes had opened to a side of him I had never witnessed before. He had taken me by surprise and I was entranced by his person.

I know if he hadn't backed away I would have kissed him; I would have betrayed my lover as well as hurt the elf. That shames me more than I can find the words to express. Boromir deserves a better lover for I have proved to be unworthy. I believe I do not deserve the elf, either. I know that Legolas desires a bond with me and that kiss would have hurt him in the end because I cannot give him the bond he seeks. I would like to give him more of me but 'tis something I mustn't do.

Like they have all day, my eyes find Legolas and lock onto his slender frame. He is not sparing me a glance and I know that is for the best. Nevertheless, my heart swells with fondness as I watch him guide his canoe through the water, his appearance radiating peace and calm even though I can easily sense the tension in his posture. I know I am greatly confusing the elf and I am so very sorry for doing so, I never meant to bring him more pain. I have been rather confused as of late and my actions are affecting the both of us. I need to find a way to control myself because I cannot have a near incident like that once again, it will only hurt all that is involved.

My traitorous heart will be my undoing, I can feel it. I must be the most selfish being in all of Middle Earth for I cannot leave Boromir because I have sworn myself to him, and a large part of me continues to love him, and I cannot seem to let Legolas go, either. My heart burns at the thought of him in Haldir's loving arms for I wish to have him all to myself. I can see that Haldir is strong of heart and can love Legolas like I cannot, his eyes tell me he longs to, but the mere thought pains me grievously.

_Powers higher than any of Middle Earth, please show me the path to letting go of the elf_, I silently plead, my heart aching most painfully. _My love for him cannot grow no matter how I wish it so… please, help my heart release him._

TBC...


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

I gently guide the canoe to the shore of Amon Hen and then step out onto the shore. I watch my newfound friends make their way onto the land and snicker to myself as Gimli grumbles the entire time. If I were ever in need of cheering up I would certainly turn to the dwarf, he can easily raise one's spirits. I do not speak thusly to Gimli, though I am sure the response I'd receive would be amusing.

Once the canoe is secure and in no threat of drifting away, I make my way over to a secluded area but make sure I am in sight of my companions. Aragorn politely asks Merry to collect some wood for a fire and then moves to converse quietly with Boromir. The other man is acting strangely, he seems to have his thoughts elsewhere and even Aragorn cannot break through. Unable to do anything while in the company of the Fellowship, Aragorn admits defeat and leaves his lover on his own.

I tense as he makes his way closer to where I sit but I do not move. I wish to do so yet my feet refuse to obey my mind's command. He crouches down beside me with a heavy sigh and I glance over in Boromir's direction for his reaction. He cannot be too pleased that his lover turned to me. However, Boromir seems oblivious to the whereabouts of his lover and this just rouses my suspicions.

For a moment I suspect that Aragorn is about to speak of his fears pertaining to Boromir but in the end he simply looks at me despairingly. There is also a soft expression on his face as his eyes roam over my frame, stopping on my face to stare intently into my eyes with his stormy grey ones. I could almost swear that there is longing in his gaze, but I must be mistaken for Aragorn would never look upon me in such a way. Stares of that proportion are reserved solely for lovers and lovers alone. _Oh, how I wish he would look at me in longing_, I think sadly, _if only he could love me_.

Seemingly giving up on trying to begin conversation, Aragorn stands once more and walks away. I watch as he heads to the canoes and cannot help but wonder what it would be like to reach out and embrace him; whisper in his ear of love and devotion. These are foolish thoughts, I know, for I know naught will come from them, but I find myself thinking them all the same. My heart belongs to Aragorn, whether he wants it or not, and I will always wonder what it would be like to be in Boromir's place.

Rising to my feet, I turn to the trees behind me and move forward. The cloud of dismay and imminent danger that I have been feeling all day seems to grow within my being, unsettling and putting me on edge. I fear that if we tarry here for long we will surely regret it.

I can vaguely hear Aragorn speaking to Gimli and I can hear the irritation in the dwarf's voice but my mind is sending signals to me, warning me of an oncoming threat that I cannot keep to myself anymore.

Lingering no longer, I rush to Aragorn's side, thinking solely on the warning I can feel in my bones and of nothing else. Things have been strained between the mortal and me but right now our troubles are the furthest in my mind, there are more pressing matters at the moment.

"We should leave now." I whisper these words to the man beside me so as to ensue that his ears are the only ones to hear them.

"No." Aragorn refuses immediately and I briefly wonder why this man has to be so stubborn. _Can he not see that my warning is justifiable?_ I think irritably to myself as I listen to his reasoning. "Orcs patrol the eastern shore; we must wait for cover of darkness."

I gaze off into the trees once more, growing more and more unsettled. "'Tis not the eastern shore that worries me," I can feel Aragorn's eyes on me as I admit to the unsettling warnings I have been harboring. "A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind… Something draws near, I can feel it."

Aragorn listens intently to my words but I am dismayed when he doesn't seem to take my words as seriously as he should. I want to scream at him, vent the frustration I can feel growing within my chest, but that would be unbecoming of an elf and I will not stoop so low. If he wishes not to heed my warning than there is naught I can do to persuade him, he is our leader, after all, and I must follow his command.

I stand by his side quietly, deciding 'tis best not to utter a single word, and instead watch Gimli grumble about the words Aragorn spoke to him moments ago. _'Tis quite humorous how long the dwarf can hold onto his dismay and irritation_, I think to myself with a nearly motionless shake of my head.

My attention is captured by the hobbit appearing once more from the forest, arms laden down with the wood he was sent to collect, and I watch as he glances around at the company. When he asks where Frodo is everyone searches the area and I turn to face Aragorn. He, in turn, is looking at Boromir's things; a space the mortal should be occupying but instead is missing. Instantly we all know this isn't a good sign.

I have grown increasingly worried about Boromir; have sensed that his obsession with the ring would lead to disaster. Now I am beginning to believe that my fears were justified. I know not how I know, but I am sure he is with Frodo at this very minute and that in itself cannot be a good thing. I glance over at Aragorn once more and see my thoughts reflected on his face.

Without another word Aragorn takes off into the forest and I am quick to follow, as are our companions. I fear that Boromir isn't thinking clearly right now, therefore he can be a danger to the wee hobbit, and I can only hope that Frodo is alright.

**:0****Ж****0:**

Sending an arrow into the lone orc in my sight, I run in the direction I saw Aragorn rush in and come to a stop when I see him leaning over an injured Boromir. The sight stops me from moving any further and I simply stand a few feet away, watching them from afar. I am saddened by what I am witnessing; never would I have wanted things to end thusly.

I take in the sight of Boromir, lying upon the earth with such pain and sorrow on his face. Three arrows protrude from his body and I know without having to closely inspect them that they are fatal. My heart aches at this realization, both for Boromir and for Aragorn. The lovers are to be inevitably parted soon and I can see the pain of knowledge on the injured man's face. Their very posture is dripping with heartache and my heart constricts in sympathy.

"I am sorry, my love, I should have been a better lover to you." Aragorn whispers, and though I cannot see his face I can hear the tears in his voice.

"Nay, you have shown more love than I have known in a lifetime. I have never loved as sincerely as I have thee, Aragorn. You have given my life meaning and purpose. I lived to be your lover and I cannot think of a better reason." Boromir replies passionately, reaching up to cup his love's face.

"I love you Boromir; I shall always. No one holds my heart the way you do, it belongs to you and will eternally."

Boromir stares up at his lover for a moment with a steady gaze, sorrow and understanding on his face. "I was blessed the day you came into my life Aragorn and your love was a gift from the Valar. However, my beloved, you will love again and I will rejoice the day you give your heart fully to another. Do not be afraid to let another into your heart for you have much love to give."

Aragorn opens his mouth to protest but Boromir shushes him by placing a finger against his lips. "I know your heart is beginning to ache for another, I have known all along, and I do not want you to run from it. You deserve to be loved, Aragorn, and I know the one your heart longs for will love you for all eternity. I can rest peacefully if I know you are in good hands and being cared for."

"Nay, do not speak such things Boromir, please." Aragorn pleads and I flinch at the pain I detect in his voice.

"I pray that you move on once your heart heals," Boromir says quietly yet full of conviction, staring up at Aragorn with such sincerity and love in his eyes. "I _**want**_ you to go to the one you've been running from… you have my blessing, my love."

Aragorn shakes his head, and whether it is out of refusal or denial, I am unsure. "I should have been a better lover to you, my beloved. I should have given you the love you gave to me so freely."

Boromir smiles at his lover softly, taking his hand with a trembling one. "You gave me the best of your love, Aragorn, never doubt that. I have lived well and I leave with no regrets."

Aragorn remains silent after this, shoulders shaking with suppressed emotion. I glance behind me to find a bewildered yet saddened Gimli standing there, watching the lovers with tears in his eyes. We lock eyes for a moment, silent lucidity passing between us, and then we turn once more to Aragorn and Boromir.

"I would have followed you my brother, my Captain, my King." Boromir states proudly as he stares up at Aragorn with love and pride within his eyes.

I solemnly watch as the light leaves Boromir's eyes and I know the man has left us. I have never been so close to death before and already in the company of the Fellowship I have watched two of my companion's fall. The feelings inside my being are strange and foreign; I do not quite know how to handle it. The existence of mortals have always eluded me but to witness it with my own eyes, knowing Boromir's life has been cut shorter than it already was meant to be, it shakes me.

I can only imagine how Aragorn is feeling, the degree of pain he is experiencing, as I watch him lean in closer to his beloved. Though his voice is a mere whisper I can hear every word he speaks, "Be at peace, son of Gondor," he says before placing a kiss to Boromir's forehead.

After a brief moment of hesitation I move closer to Aragorn and he lifts his head to acknowledge my presence, tears of sorrow escaping his eyes. Those tears squeeze my heart tightly, saddened to see him hurting so, and I crouch down beside him; placing a consoling hand on his shoulder.

"I am sorry, Estel." I whisper lightly, trying to express my sympathy through my eyes. "I know how much you cared for him, but he is at peace now; he hurts no more."

Aragorn takes a deep breath before attempting to address me. "'Tis not that I don't appreciate your words Legolas but I truly cannot handle speaking with you this moment."

Though I believe he means no offence by his words I am still very much hurt by them. "I am merely trying to help, Aragorn, I offer you my friendship and a consoling shoulder."

"My beloved is dead," Aragorn speaks as though it takes a great deal to do so, tears of sorrow weighing down each word. "In life I had not been the lover he deserved for my heart and body betrayed him, I will always regret what I've done and blame myself for hurting him. My traitorous heart was unfaithful even if I wasn't in actions, he deserved better than that."

"He loved you, Aragorn, for who you are… and he shall always love you, death cannot take that away."

"Leave me be, elf, I cannot bear to see you right now. You serve only as a reminder of my treachery and 'tis taking all will power not to resent the very sight of you at the moment."

When these words leave his lips I feel as though he has stabbed me with his sword, breath hitches in my throat and tears well in my eyes. To be spurned thusly brings me agony as such I have never experienced before. I try not to let Aragorn's words reach my heart but it is to no avail, inevitably I feel it constricting in my chest and pain steadily becoming too much to bear.

Aragorn's eyes widen as he watches me closely, seemingly realizing what his words have done. "I meant no offense by this Legolas, I place the blame on no one but myself, and I never meant for my words to hurt you. 'Tis merely difficult for me to look at you right now and not think of how wrong I treated Boromir. Please do not be hurt by this, little elf, I cannot bear the thought of causing your heart more pain."

As the pain increases I know that I must find solitude for I cannot allow my friends to see me in such a state. I rise to my feet quickly and Aragorn's concerned eyes follow me. "I shall do as you wish, Estel." I whisper softly.

"Are you well, Legolas?" Aragorn questions with fear emitting from his very being. "Speak to me, what ails you?"

"I fare fine, mellon-nin, I am simply giving you time alone to say your farewells." I respond briskly, waving a dismissive hand. "Worry not about me."

Not waiting around for a response, I quickly move into the depths of the forest with as much dignity as I can manage. Once I am at a fair distance I slump to the earth and press a hand against my chest; trying desperately to catch my breath. The agony is searing through my very soul and I feel like I am being ripped apart from within. The only thing I have to be thankful for is the fact that my companions aren't bearing witness to my condition; the shame would be too much for my weakening heart to bear.

A choking cough climbs up my throat and burns as I release it, tasting metallic blood on my tongue and feeling it seeping out of the corner of my mouth to slide down my chin. I wipe it away dispassionately with the palm of my hand as I lower my trembling body to the earth, lying on my side and breathing as steadily as I can through my nose.

At a slow pace the pain ebbs away and I am left with a dull ache. I thank the valar when I can breathe a little easier, when each breath I inhale does not cause me pain, but I do not rise from the ground. I give my tired body the time it needs to recuperate before I even attempt to face Aragorn and Gimli once more.

_I know not how much longer I can handle this, I am weakening_, I acknowledge solemnly, a tear leaking out of the corner of my eye. _I do not wish to leave Aragorn and the others behind but I fear I won't have a choice much longer._

Part of me just wants the pain to end, is begging for it to end, but I know I must hold on, even if just for Aragorn's sake. Though I am beginning to not care if I live to see another morn, I know he still needs me and I am not going to let him down.

_**I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart that's still beating  
In the pain, is there healing?  
In your name, I find meaning  
So I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on  
I'm barely holding on to you**_

TBC…

**Lyrics:  
Broken - Lifehouse**


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve**

I cannot be sure how long I have lain upon the mossy earth, all sense of time having escaped me as I waited the moment my strength would return to me, but I assume it has been far longer than I had intended it to be. We have not much time to tarry here and I scold myself for wasting more time than I deem necessary. We have a quest to finish, after all.

Rising to a sitting position, I lean back against a large Oak tree and take a few experimental deep breaths to test my strength. I find that I am able to do this with ease and am grateful for I will be able to move forward with my companions and not tire too quickly. I know that we mustn't wait any longer; we have to get Frodo to Mount Doom.

I lift my head when I hear footsteps approaching and I know they belong to Aragorn before he is even in my sight. His visage appears through the trees to my left and his eyes land on my form immediately, concern filling them when he sees that I am sitting on the forest floor. He steps closer, almost hesitantly, and lowers himself to crouch beside me.

I meet his gaze and find question within his stormy grey eyes. "Have you come to bring me back to the company?"

"I've come to see that you fare well, little elf," he answers softly, as though a louder tone will disturb the quiet surrounding us. "I worried over you after you disappeared from my sight; I fear I may have hurt you with my careless words."

"Nay, I cannot hold against you words spoken out of grief." I am quick to answer, though my words are partly a lie.

I understand that his heart was in a great amount of distress when I approached him, but I cannot banish the words he spoke to me. Nor I can I forget what they implied. My presence alone brings him guilt; reminds him of his unfaithful thoughts. It does not escape my knowledge what that must mean. I find it difficult to believe since I never allowed myself to hope that he could return my feelings. Yet, the words came from his very mouth. How can I not believe the words when they came from the source?

_Can I trust my heart with these words that have been spoken and the implications of them? Can I allow myself to hope that Aragorn holds a place in his heart for me?_ I want so badly to open my heart and mind to the notion, but I am afraid the consequences will be dire if I were to do so.

I acknowledge the fact that even if Aragorn does hold feelings for me we couldn't possibly be together. This very day he has lost his lover to Mandos and his heart needs time to heal. Aragorn is still very much in love with Boromir, death does not extinguish love and it will never truly be taken away.

Aragorn may be harboring feelings for me in his heart but as of this moment in time he resents it. Besides, I no naught of how deep his feelings run. His feelings may be born from lust and desire rather from love and care. I cannot risk my heart if it turns out to be the former. I must reject any advances Aragorn makes towards me for more than one reason. One: he may not love me the way I love him, and two: his heart still grieves for the death of Boromir; any advances towards me would be of distraction and comfort from the pain.

_Though it pains me to do so, I must forget what I have learned today and push it to the far recesses of my mind_, I tell myself resolutely. _Unless he can prove to me that his heart aches without me, I must remain his friend and brother in war… nothing more._

"All the same, I fear that I may have hurt you and I needed you to know that I had not meant to." Aragorn continues after a moment silence. "You have become a wonderful friend to me, Legolas, and I wish not to lose that. You must know that I meant not a word that was spoken so harshly, I could never resent your presence. I am grateful to have you by my side during these dark times; you have proven yourself a trustworthy warrior and friend."

"I appreciate your words, mellon-nin, it is an honor to fight by your side; to be a member of the Fellowship." I place my hand on his shoulder as I say this and am pleased to see him return the sentiment.

I wait but a moment longer then retract my hand and move to stand. Aragorn quickly follows my lead but as I am attempting to return to our canoes I find his hand wrapping around my wrist, stopping me in place. I glance down at his hand around my wrist, trying desperately to ignore the warmth of his skin seeping through the fabric of my shirt, and hesitantly raise my eyes to meet his.

He looks upon me still with concern and as I search deeper I could almost swear that I find a touch of fear, but he is hiding this emotion so well that I cannot be sure. However, I know not why he would fear for me, I have given him no cause. I have assured him that our friendship will not suffer at his harsh words, what more reassurance does the man need?

"Earlier, at the battle grounds, I saw pain within your eyes." Aragorn finally speaks and the words send dread through my being. "Why would thee be experiencing pain, mellon-nin?"

I know not what I should say to him to ease his fears; I had hoped he would remain oblivious to my inner turmoil and anguish. I know that it was foolish to believe I could hide it forever but I had hoped to keep it secret for longer. Now is certainly not the time to come clean, we have more pressing matters to deal with. My broken heart can, and will have to, wait for a later date.

"Thy eyes must be tricking your mind, my friend, for I am in no pain." I respond lightly, adding a soft laugh for good measure. "Come now, we must not tarry here any longer, we still have a long journey ahead of us."

I attempt to leave once more but his grip upon my wrist does not lessen and I inwardly curse when I realize that he isn't going to be dissuaded. Reluctantly, I turn to face the man once more and cannot keep the expression of exasperation from my features. He says naught of this, though, and studies my eyes intently.

"Nay, Legolas, I know what I saw." He states stubbornly as he releases my wrist and grabs my upper arms with his strong hands, forcing me to face him completely. "Something ails you, as I had feared; something serious. Must you keep it from me? Possibly I could help, if you'd let me try."

"You cannot assist me Aragorn," I whisper softly, unable to look him in the eyes for I know he would read me like parchment if I were to do so. "'Tis pointless to deny it, something does indeed ail me, but it is in my hands alone and _only_ I can deal with it. Do not dwell on this, my friend, there are far more pressing matters to attend to. My troubles are insignificant in comparison."

"Are you positive? I still worry about you, mellon-nin, and I fear… I fear that…," Aragorn trails off with a heavy sigh of frustration. "I am afraid to admit to the fear plaguing my mind."

Looking into his eyes I can see the fear he holds, he is afraid that I am fading. He does not know for sure if his fears are founded and is afraid to have his suspicions confirmed. His fears are correct, of course, but I will not admit this to him. I shall keep my secret for as long as possible, there is naught he can do to stop the inevitable anyway so I see no need in involving him.

Besides, I would much rather deal with this on my own and maintain my dignity. I am in no need of a spectator, nor do I want one. When I finally fade, I would like to do so alone and without watchful, mournful eyes. I want to go in peace, or, at the very least, with a semblance of peace. I think I have earned and deserve that much.

"'Tis really nothing you need worry about Estel; I honestly do not know how to reassure you any more than I have. We really do not have the time to discuss this any further, we must move forward now."

"You are right." Aragorn replies with reluctance. "We really should be on our way now."

When he finally releases me he keeps his eyes on me for a moment, making it clear that he is still worried about me and I come to the painful conclusion that he has made up his mind to keep an eye on me throughout the remainder of our journey. This will prove troublesome for me in the future, as well as irritating. I am an Elvin warrior and I need no one to watch over me.

_It be best that I resign to the fact that I have little choice in the matter_, I silently tell myself as I follow my companion to help send Boromir on his last journey.

****

:0Ж0:

I run swiftly ahead of my companions as we scout the plains for any and all tracks left behind by the Orcs and Uruk-Hai that have taken the hobbits captive. It nearly tore me in two to leave Frodo and Sam with the task of taking the One Ring to Mount Doom on their own, but I know deep in my heart it was the right choice. Sam will watch over Frodo and keep the little hobbit safe, and I have faith that they will see the task through and come out victorious. There is more strength within those small men than they have ever been given credit for.

Merry and Pippin need us the most right now. It irks me to think of the paws of those creatures upon those sweet hobbits, they shall surely pay with their blood for ever thinking of taking them from the Fellowship. I never realized just how close I have become to Pippin till I learned of his capture.

I have formed bonds with all the hobbits, but there is just something special to me about Pippin. I cannot allow anything to happen to that curious little man who has captured a piece of my heart, I will never be able forgive myself. The anger that swept through me was like fire through my veins when Aragorn informed me of their capture, though, and my soul is yearning for revenge.

"It will soon be too dark for our eyes to find any tracks so I suggest we make camp for the night." Aragorn calls to me and Gimli.

I find myself reluctant to stop so early, as I am sure my companions are feeling the same way, but I know that Aragorn is right. Without daylight our search with be fruitless and we will be no help to the hobbits in need. At daybreak we shall continue our trek, and that helps to put me at ease about halting our progress for the night. Besides, the enemy will be stopping for the night as well; we will not be losing any ground between them.

We continue walking a little further and then Aragorn calls for us to make camp within a cluster of trees to our right. I follow his command without a fight and take it upon myself to find some wood for a fire.

Once I return I hand off the wood to Gimli and then take a seat close to where he is building the fire. Aragorn comes to rest beside me and I offer the best smile I can manage, which happens to be but small and pointless. He regards me silently and I turn my face away, unwilling to allow him access to my thoughts. I hear him sigh beside me and instantly feel bad for making him worry so.

"I shall take the first watch tonight; you should take the reprieve to get some rest, mellon-nin." He says softly to me and immediately I shake my head.

"I do not require rest for a while Aragorn, I can take the first watch."

My mind is far too restless to allow my body some surely needed sleep. I am beginning to feel drained but my troubles with Aragorn and now my worry for the safety of the hobbits have me on edge. I do not see how I could possibly find rest when my mind is running in circles.

"That may be so, but it would greatly appease me if you'd at least try. Please, for me, dear Elf. I would feel much better knowing you were achieving the rest you have so earned." Aragorn implores me near desperately and I find it impossible to refuse him.

"If that is what you wish, my friend, then I will try to put my mind at ease long enough to grant me a little sleep."

"Hannon-le, mellon-nin," Aragorn whispers, placing a hand against his heart and smiling softly.

The gesture is endearing and I cannot help wishing I had more opportunities to please him thusly. _Valar, this will be a long journey if I do not banish such thoughts from my mind_, I think with longing in my heart as I watch the future King of Men walk away from me.

* * *

TBC…

Elven Translations:

Hannon le, mellon-nin... Thank you, my friend


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Chapter Thirteen**

So deep I am in my grief that I feel it in my very bones. 'Tis not just my grief placing weight upon my shoulders, however, but guilt as well. I had truly loved Boromir, though it may not have seemed as though towards the end. My head was far too wrapped up in confusing thoughts of Legolas to pay any attention to my lover and I greatly regret that. Boromir was a good man and he deserved better.

I cannot forget what he said with his last dying breaths, though, for they haunt me for some time to come. I cannot understand how he could tell me to allow myself into another's arms. He was dying there before me and wanted to ensure that I not succumb to my grief. I have his blessing to be with Legolas if I so wish it. He is truly a better man that I could ever hope to be.

_"I __**want**__ you to go to the one you've been running from… you have my blessing, my love."_

Can I truly give my heart fully to another and move on from my ill fated love with Boromir? I am sure 'tis much too early to be assessing such things, but my mind is weighed down with the burden of these thoughts. The last thing my lover should have been thinking about was my wellbeing. He was dying in my arms, surely the fact that my heart longed for another should not have been a conversation he had to begin.

Though he told me to move on and allow myself to love the elf I cannot deny the pain he must have experienced having to say these words. I know my betrayal hurt him greatly; he did not need to affirm this for me to know. It hurts to know of the anguish I brought him during the last days of his life, I shall never be able to forgive myself. I had not meant to fall for Legolas, I tried to be faithful to Boromir, but my heart grew fonder for the elf as time had gone by. Even to this day I feel affection toward my Elven companion, I cannot make my heart stop longing for him and it shames me.

Physically shaking my mind to clear I set my sight on the distance before me, trying fruitlessly to see anything on this darkest night. Sighing, I pull my gaze from the darkness and glance behind me at my sleeping companions; unable to stop my mind from realizing that one is missing that should by every right be here. Boromir did not deserve to lose his life; he was a good man and a good warrior.

_He fought bravely and his death was one worthy of a warrior, I know he was proud to go out the way he did_, I tell myself to lighten the ache in my heart.

Knowing that my watch has come to an end I make my way slowly to the company and stand before them for a moment, silently contemplating which one to awaken. I know that Legolas wanted me to wake him to take the second watch but I find that I do not have the heart to do it. I realize that elves do not require the rest that others do, but he hasn't had much rest as of late and I am loath to wake him from his slumber.

I know my elf friend will not be pleased with me, but I decide it would be best to wake Gimli for the second watch. I care not what the elf says, he needs this rest tonight and I will make sure that he achieves it. He has been distressed as of late, though he has fought hard to keep it from being shone. His state has not escaped my attention, however, and with each passing day it has become more worrisome to me. I have never seen an elf fade before but I fear that is what is happening to my friend and it terrifies me greatly. I have no proof, and I am loath to broach the subject with my Elven companion. That is why I have resolved to keep a close eye on him, if there is any way that I can help my new friend than I will make sure to be there for him.

The dwarf awakes with a start when I lightly shake his shoulder and instantly he reaches out for his axe. The moment my hand falls atop his, Gimli ceases all movement and raises his eyes to my dark silhouette. I speak lightly to him so as to not awaken our resting companion and he rises to take his watch, grumbling softly as he goes. I shake my head in amusement as the dwarf stalks away, and then I glance in Legolas' direction to check on him before lying down on my bedroll.

**:0****Ж****0:**

_Leaning back against a large rock I cover my face with the palms of my hands and release a weary sigh. A pain so exquisite has been ripping my heart apart ever since we left Amon Hen behind. Every beat of my heart seems to be growing fainter, though I know that couldn't possibly be so. I am no elf that can die of heartbreak, no matter how I may wish I could at the moment._

I still cannot believe it, Boromir has fallen and he shall never return to me. I want to curse the very beings that created him for taking him from me before I was ready. We were supposed to survive this quest and live a long and prosperous life together in the White City. He should not have been taken from me, 'tis not fair that I now have to live out the rest of my days without him by my side.

I achieved my revenge on the Uruk-Hai that took away the life of my lover yet I still feel unfulfilled. That foul creature's death was not nearly as painful as it deserved, he should have suffered the way Boromir was made to. I had been too easy on the creature, gave the vile and retched thing an easy way out when it deserved a painfully slow death. Usually I am not cruel, but you hurt someone I love and I will not be so kind, especially to our enemy.

When I think about my love I cannot help the desire to grieve. All I have been doing since we sent him on his last journey is mourn, though. I have mourned for the love I took for granted and I mourn for the life so cruelly cut short. I want to scream when I think of the words my lover said with his dying breaths. I cannot give my heart to Legolas, the guilt would be too much for me to bear. Would that not be like a slap in the face to my fallen beloved? How could he possibly request such a thing of me? He couldn't honestly believe I could give in to my treacherous heart when it had betrayed him so in life?

"Nay, Boromir, my love, I will not give my heart to Legolas, I mustn't." I whisper to the heavens, praying my beloved can hear me. "My heart belongs to you Boromir, and death does not change that. So, I am releasing this foolish infatuation with Legolas, the elf shan't get any nearer to my heart than he has already, I promise you this. Legolas means nothing to me from now till the day I meet with you again."

A gasp comes from the right of me and I swiftly turn my head to see Legolas standing there, tears in his eyes that he is unable to hide any longer. Shame fills me as we stare at each other, knowing he has heard my words and is hurt by them. I never wanted to hurt the elf but I cannot allow myself to fall for him any harder than I already may have. There are so many misunderstandings and bad blood between us already, so how could a bond between us possibly come to be?

"Please accept my apology Legolas, I had not meant for you to overhear me. I still think of you as a good friend, but that is all that can be between us. I value your friendship, mellon-nin, but my heart will always belong to Boromir, whether he stands beside me or not. I cannot change the way things are any more than you can. I sincerely hope you can find someone one day that will give you the love you seek, for you deserve to be happy, little elf." I tell him softly but passionately.

Sapphire eyes full of sorrow meet mine and my breath hitches in my throat at the degree of pain I can sense the elf to be in. I am astounded that I could bring such an ethereal being such despair and misery. I am frightened by what I see, however, because I believe I am witnessing an elf's heart breaking right before my very own eyes. Could my Elven friend care so much for me that his heart is at risk of breaking? How did I not see all along that I held the elf's fate in my hands?

As those azure eyes fill with tears of heartbreak, Legolas releases a hitched sob that couldn't make how broken he is any clearer. Grasping at his chest, he swiftly turns from me and disappears into the woods. I know that I cannot let him get away; he must know how I truly feel because I was only speaking out of guilt when I said those thoughtless words. Even as I spoke them I knew I did not truly mean them… only, the elf does not know this. I cannot allow him to continue to believe that my heart does not long for him, that I do not love him, because I do love him… more than I ever wanted to.

I call out his name; I search high and low but I find not a trace of him. Elves can easily disappear when they do not wish to be found. The dark soon gives way to daylight and I have yet to find my beloved elf. I am about ready to admit defeat and give him space to return on his own when I catch sight of gold mixed with the green of nature.

My heart skips a beat when I see Legolas' motionless form and horror fills my soul when I realize that his chest is not rising with every breath. I drop to my knees beside him and cup his alabaster cheeks with my palms. His skin is cold to the touch and I am stuck by the absence of light within his unseeing eyes. My heart aches at the realization I have no choice but to face.

"How could I have let you fade, a'mael? Why could I not see sooner how your heart was hurting so?" I whisper as tears of deep sorrow slide down my cheeks. "I have failed another that I love."

This journey has brought me more pain than I had counted on for I keep watching those I care about die. Gimli and Legolas were all I had left, I am their leader and it was my duty to keep them safe. Now I have lost Legolas to a broken heart, a heart I could have saved if I had just spoken the truth.

A cry of anguish rips from my throat as I gather the lifeless elf in my arms and whisper "Amin hiraetha, goheno nin, mela amin," as I cradle him to my chest.

My eyes snap open and I sit up quickly, the remains of my dream still having a tight grip on my heart. With eyes filled with panic I glance around the camp till my eyes land on the elf, whom lies several feet away on his own bedroll. I regard him cautiously, afraid that I have lost him while asleep. When I see his chest rise with an intake of breath, however, I release a sigh of relief.

Willing my harsh breathing to return to normal I lie down once more but am unwilling to take my eyes off the blonde. I cannot bear to lose another companion and, I realize now, that to lose the elf would bring me unimaginable pain. I cannot lose him, he is my heart... I just hadn't wanted to acknowledge it till now. Losing Boromir had hurt beyond words but to lose Legolas would be dire to me. Even the thought is inconceivable; I must protect him at all costs.

I never realized just how much I truly cared till my dream forced me to acknowledge life without the elf. It would kill me to live without him and with his death I would surely follow him. Just one smile from his beautiful face puts my soul at ease and gives me strength. My heart sings with joy at the aspect of having him by my side always, I cannot give him up now that I have finally found him.

First I dream of making love to Legolas, feelings so tangible that they have stayed with me since then, and now I dream of the elf's death. I cannot begin to conceive why I am having these dreams as of late, but I have naught but gratitude toward them.

_I love him, there is naught I can do but acknowledge and embrace these feelings inside my being, my heart belongs to him now_, I tell myself for the first time as I keep my eyes trained on him for the rest of the night…

Miles away Galadriel smiles serenely and turns to her husband, "I have done all I can for the Prince of Mirkwood and heir to the throne of Gondor, the rest is in their hands now."

* * *

TBC…

Elven Translations:

Mellon-nin -- My friend  
A'mael -- Beloved  
Amin hiraetha, goheno nin, mela amin -- I'm sorry, forgive me, my love


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Chapter Fourteen**

I cannot express how much of a relief it was to find Gandalf in the depths of Fangorn; he was the last person I was expecting to see. Now that he has joined us once more, the white wizard, I feel as though some of my hope has been restored. I can feel the relief in each of my companions as well. Maybe now that Gandalf has returned some of that weight Aragorn has been carrying on his shoulders will lessen.

I glance over at my friend, whom sits but feet away, and regard him silently. I cannot tell what he is feeling though, much less thinking. He has been rather quiet as of late, mind focused not only on the search for the hobbits but on other matters as well. I wish I could offer him some comforting words but I do not know what ails him. _If only he would speak to me_, I think forlornly.

Gandalf had suggested we take a reprieve from our journey to have some rest and something to eat. I am not feeling very hungry but the rest is greatly appreciated. Aragorn is absentmindedly chewing on a slice of lembas bread but his eyes are glazed over in reverie.

I turn my gaze away from Aragorn once more and stare down at the hands clasped in my lap. I glare in disgust at the dirt covering them, unpleased to see my fingernails marred by soil and other substances in which I have no desire to identify. I do not like to think of myself as vain, but not knowing when I will get a chance to bathe is not sitting well with me.

I lift my eyes to acknowledge my visitor the moment I know I am not alone. Aragorn's sensitive eyes look upon me in concern with an affection within their depths that surprises me. _Do my eyes deceive me?_ I question quietly as Aragorn sits down beside me.

"Please, Legolas, you must eat something." Aragorn says as he holds out a slice of lembas bread for me to take.

"You know elves do not require food as often as mortals do." I chide lightly, offering a small smile.

"Aye, but it has been days since you last had any sustenance. Legolas, please, do not deny me this one request, my friend."

I simply stare at him for a moment, silently contemplating how I should respond, but in the end I know I cannot disappoint him. If he wishes for me to eat then eat I will, I am sure I can force a small portion of lembas down my throat for the sake of a friend. I reach out and take the food from his hand, smiling my gratitude for his care.

"If that is what you wish, mellon-nin, I will not fight you." I respond sincerely before taking a bite of the food.

Aragorn smiles in return, relief clear in his eyes, and makes himself more comfortable beside me. After this short rest we are to head to Edoras and we will not be taking another break until we reach our destination. I plan to gather my strength for the journey, since I seem to be on short supply these days. This worries me greatly, for the strength of elves rarely dwindles, but I speak not of my troubles to my companions. They have enough to worry about; I will not become another source.

I turn questioning eyes on the man next to me when I feel his hand on my arm and am startled to find him smiling warmly. My confusion deepens at this unexpected gesture and I use my eyes to ask a silent question. He has been acting rather strange around me as of late and I cannot seem to wrap my mind around his actions. I have caught him staring at me quite often with an unnamable expression in his eyes, on his face, and I am almost afraid to delve deeper.

He has never looked upon me thusly before, nor has he treated me with such care. I am confoundedly confused and suspicious about this turn of events. I cannot help but wonder what is going through his mind to make him act thusly around me.

"I wish to speak with you if I may. Care to take a short walk with me, fair elf?" Aragorn questions softly, looking at me in the most peculiar fashion.

"Certainly, Aragorn, lead the way." I answer with slight hesitation as I move to stand.

Aragorn smiles as he rises to his feet and moves further into the trees, looking back every now and then as though making sure I am following. I watch him intently; warily, as I match him step for step. Just before the trees swallows the visibility of my companions I catch a small smile lighting up Gandalf's face, as though he knows something I do not. I shake my head at the cryptic wizard and put all focus on Aragorn.

We walk further into the oaks and pines until Aragorn spots a cluster of rocks big enough for us to sit upon, underneath a large oak tree that begins to speak softly to me almost immediately. I place my hand against its bark in way of greeting, smiling lighting my face as the tree attempts to calm and give me comfort.

I whisper my gratitude to the tree before turning away and finding Aragorn watching me with a soft, understanding smile on his face. I say naught about this and sit down on the rock nearest me, facing my companion. Aragorn shifts slightly but keeps his sight trained on me the entire time.

"What did you wish to speak to me about, my friend?" I ask quietly to start the conversation for the suddenly nervous man, though his eyes still hold that soft warmth they have held for the past few days.

"I wanted to apologize, for one, for how I have treated you, Legolas. Not just on this journey but before we set out with the Fellowship."

"You have already given me your apology, Estel, and I have forgiven you." I reply with amusement dancing in my eyes. "Your words are unnecessary, mellon-nin."

"I fear you do not believe me, though." Aragorn says softly with a crestfallen expression on his face of which I have never seen on the man before, it tears at my already aching heart. "I know not how to prove it to you and that bothers me greatly. I desperately need you to know that I regret every harsh word I have ever spoken to you; I surely do not feel any ill towards you, my friend."

My heart goes out to the pain I detect in his voice. I had not realized how much this troubled him. Maybe I did not give the keeper of my heart enough credit. I have always known he was a good man with a kind and sensitive heart, but I am afraid during this quest I had forgotten this fact.

"My heart and mind were troubled when I spoke such hurtful words and as of late I have been consumed with grief over Boromir's death. I still grieve over him, part of me will always love him, but I never meant a word I said to you. I am also eternally sorry if I have been strange to you ever since we left Lothlorien; I never meant to confuse you so. I fear there have been so many misunderstandings between us that they have caused irreparable damage. I do not wish for you to think of me as callous or cruel, I truly value the friendship built between us."

I reach out and place my hand on his shoulder, causing him to look up into my eyes. "Let us put all these misgivings in the past and look toward the future. What has come to pass cannot be undone but 'tis not too late to make things right. You have my friendship, Estel, and you are not going to lose it. You have been given a second chance; even if you do not feel you deserve it, don't take it for granted."

Aragorn's eyes light up with joy at these words and he reaches out to place a hand on my shoulder as well. "Hannon-le, Legolas. You are right, I will do my best to stop brooding and dwelling over the past." He responds with such emotion and sincerity that I find myself falling for him all over again. "That is not all I wished to speak to you about, though."

I wait patiently for him to continue but his lips remain closed, a hesitant expression swiftly covering his features. "What is it, Aragorn?"

He removes his hand from my shoulder and I foolishly miss the warmth. He moves to stand as he releases a small bout of nervous laughter, scratching at his scalp needlessly. "Never mind that now, mellon-nin, forget I said anything."

My forehead creases in confusion as I quickly stand and grab his bicep before he can attempt to leave me. "Nay, what ails you, Estel?" I ask softly, moving to stand in front of him and forcing him to face me. "Speak to me, my friend, in me you can confide."

"I find myself reluctant to speak my desired words to you at the moment, Legolas; I feel it would be better to confide something of such importance when we are not in the middle of such perilous times. Please understand, my friend." Aragorn whispers pleadingly, looking upon me with torn eyes. I can see the need he harbors to speak to me but he denies himself.

"Are you sure, mellon-nin? I will respect your wishes, but first I need to know you are positive and not just running away from that which scares you."

A beautiful smile grows upon the man's face as his eyes sweep over my features, eyes roaming over cheekbones and mouth before finally landing on my own eyes. "Something so meaningful and significant shouldn't be spoken within time of war and ugliness, my elf." He whispers, standing so near to me that I can feel his hot breath upon my cheek. "Just know that you are very special to me, have become someone very near and dear to me. I wish I could elaborate further, truly explain what you mean to me, but I truly feel 'tis not the time. Just do not doubt how special you are to me, Legolas."

I find myself unable to respond, do not know what I would even say were I to open my mouth. In the end it matters not for Aragorn places one last long stare upon me before walking back to camp; leaving me behind in my bewilderment. I cannot seem to comprehend what just occurred; cannot grasp the magnitude of sincerity in which Aragorn spoke.

_When did I become __**his**__ elf?_ I question in my mind in surprise and utter confusion. "What had he meant by that sentiment?"

As expected I do not receive an answer and the questions continue to roll around in my head. For the life of me I cannot begin to have an idea as to what he wishes to tell me once the war of the ring is finished, though my curiosity has peaked.

It does not escape my thoughts that I may not be here for the conversation I long to have with my friend. If my heart decides it has had enough and takes me away there will be naught I can do to stop it. There is also the possibility that one of us could die before we see the end of this war. I may be immortal but even I can perish in battle. Though I intend to protect him with my life during our quest, he will not die so long as I still have breath in my body.

I truly hope none of these possibilities come to pass, though, for I desire to continue this conversation. I need to know what Aragorn was speaking of when he said he has important words to speak to me and the fact that I am special to him. What magnitude of 'special' did he mean?

_Did he mean friendship, brother, or… no, I cannot even think it… yet, could he mean what I hope he does? I know it is folly to hope for such a thing, and ultimately dangerous… but hope blossoms in my chest nevertheless_, I acknowledge with a mixture of excitement and dread. _I fear this can only end badly._

TBC…

Elven Translations:

Mellon-nin -- My friend  
Hannon-le -- Thank you


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Chapter Fifteen**

I cannot seem to catch my breath, 'tis caught in my throat as I lean against the brick wall behind my back. Pain sears through my soul, a vice like grip tightening around my heart and nearly bringing me to my knees. I have failed. I have failed the one person on Middle Earth that means the most to me. I swore to myself that I would protect him with my very life and was unable to keep my promise.

Though I had not witnessed it with my own eyes, my mind is conjuring up images, horrifying images of Aragorn tumbling over the face of the cliff and falling to the depths below, plunging to his imminent death. The orc's scratchy and vile voice keeps repeating over and over again in my head; I cannot seem to escape it.

My whole being is in a state of shock, trying desperately to deny the facts. I just cannot believe he is gone, my Estel is gone and there was nothing I could do to prevent his fall. I was not there by his side when he needed me most. _How could I let this occur? I promised to keep him safe and I have failed him. How could I allow this to happen?_ My mind is screaming at me, torturing me endlessly.

Gimli has tried to comfort me, offered his companionship and ear for he is pained by Aragorn's loss as well, but he cannot possibly understand the anguish my soul is experiencing. He did not love Aragorn with all his being, every breath he took wasn't for the man. I know the dwarf is worried about me, but I cannot bring myself to turn to him in my time of need. All I desire is some solitude where I can lick my wounds in peace without an audience, no matter if that audience happens to be a close friend.

I know not how I am going to find the strength to continue on without Aragorn by my side. I know this may sound selfish, but I need him here with me. I realize that he may be happy wherever he is now, safe in the arms of his beloved Boromir, but my heart is screaming out for his return. I know this is foolish, he will not be returning to me this time, but hope has sunk its claws into me and refuses to relinquish its hold.

Everyone that passes by all have sympathetic expressions on their faces but not one of them approaches me, something I am grateful for. I fear words of pity and sympathy may be my undoing and the tears I have managed to keep at bay will be set free to roam down my race. _Now wouldn't that be a sight, a warrior elf crying like an elfling for all to see_, my mind supplies dryly.

Pushing away from the wall, I make my way further down the hall until sunlight caresses my face. I do not acknowledge the sun's warmth, something I would normally revel in, and walk numbly to an area of seclusion free from prying eyes. I sink down to my knees, resting my palms on the stone beneath them, and stare up at the bright blue sky. I want to cry out, demand an answer to why the higher beings took my Aragorn from me, but that would draw unwanted attention so I simply stare and scream silently in my mind.

_"Just know that you are very special to me, have become someone very near and dear to me. I wish I could elaborate further, truly explain what you mean to me, but I truly feel 'tis not the time. Just do not doubt how special you are to me, Legolas."_

A sob hitches in my chest as Aragorn's voice invades my mind, painfully aware of the fact that we shall never have that conversation now. I am forever left to wonder what Aragorn had wanted to tell me. He had said it was important and now I shall never know to what degree. He had also said I was special to him, and ever since our conversation I have had the desire to ask him what he meant… now I will never know.

I place my hand against my chest, knowing the action is useless, and my face pinches in pain when I feel a crack from within. I am not naïve, I know 'twas my heart that just cracked. My condition is in full effect now, I fear it won't be much longer before my heart gives out on me and I will be forced to leave all I love behind. Though it hurts to leave Gimli, my family and people, and nature behind, the loss of Aragorn and my aching heart makes it difficult to care as much as I should.

I have been loath to admit it, but I am almost ready to go… I have not much left to hold on to. In a lot of ways I just wish for all this anguish to end, I wish for Mandos to end my suffering and take me home. It shames me for I cannot help taking this as a sign of giving up, but I cannot deny how I am feeling inside, either. I am tired of this struggle, tired of trying to appear strong because it is slowly defeating me. At least Aragorn isn't here to witness my downfall. _Thank the higher powers for small favors_, I think to myself dryly.

"Please forgive me, mela amin, I never meant to fail you," I whisper softly, hoping Aragorn can hear me wherever he is. "I hope you have found peace once more with your beloved Boromir."

Tears spill past my barriers and slide down my face before I can even attempt to stop them. Saying goodbye to my one true love pains me more than I thought it would. I didn't expect it to be easy, but the reality of my words just pains my already damaged heart and leaves behind a deep scar.

In battle there is always danger of losing your life or the life of a fellow warrior, I have always been aware of this, but I wasn't prepared to lose Aragorn. I don't think I could have prepared myself for this whether it happened now or in the distant future. I know that men can just as likely perish as an elf can in battle, their lives are short in any case anyway, but to me Aragorn was indestructible. I know 'twas foolish to think of the man that way, but he was the last person I ever expected to fall during this war. I knew it could happen, but I honestly believed it wouldn't.

_The truth has been cruelly shoved in my face because I __**have**__ lost you_, I internally cry out as I slump over and tears continue to slide down my pain etched face.

* * *

Still in a state of shocked numbness, I wander aimlessly toward the entrance of Helm's Deep only to hear a commotion emitting from outside. My eyebrows crease in confusion; though I cannot bring myself to care too much, I must say my curiosity has gotten the best of me. I stop in my tracks several feet before the door, squinting against the sunlight blocking my vision of the men busying about outside, distorting their forms into blurry figures with darkened faces.

My eyes lock on a lone figure entering the building, dark clothes ripped and torn, head bowed with eyes staring at the ground beneath his feet as he walks; hair a disarray of filthy locks. My breath catches in my throat and my heart swells with disbelief and joy as I register the fact that Aragorn is heading unknowingly in my direction. This man I had believed to be lost is now in front of me, Aragorn is alive. The emotion I am feeling is beyond relief and I cannot begin to put into words what I am feeling. All I know is the emotions plunging through my soul are so intense and unfathomable.

Aragorn ceases his stride abruptly when he realizes someone is standing in front of him and he raises his head to lock his stormy gray eyes on mine. His eyes are alight with surprise, along with undisguised joy, and for a long moment all we do is stare at one another. My blue eyes take in the sight of him before me, sweeping over his every feature before landing on his eyes once more.

"Le ab-dollen." I finally break the silence between us and he cocks his head in surprise at my words. I sweep my eyes over his frame once more, "You look terrible."

I cannot explain the joy and relief that consumes me when my words bring laughter from the beautiful man standing in front of me; all I can do is smile softly as he reaches out and places a hand on my shoulder.

"'Tis good to see you too mellon-nin," he whispers, keeping the conversation low and only between us. "I hope I did not give you too much of a scare."

"'Twas not easy to accept, I thought you were dead." I admit on a whisper, lowering my head slightly but not losing contact with his eyes.

"Goheno nin?" He asks with soft eyes full of warmth and tender care, I find my breath catching in my throat for the second time since laying eyes on him this day.

"Uuma dela mellon-nin… just don't do it again." I reply lightly, joy dancing in my eyes as a bright smile lights up my face and causes one to grow on his.

"I must speak with King Théoden a moment," he says suddenly, as though just remembering, "it is urgent."

I catch on to the seriousness of his tone, worry strumming through my veins, and nod my head mutely, motioning for him to follow me to the King's Quarters. I know not if I desire to hear this news Aragorn has brought with him for I know it cannot be anything good, but I also know that 'tis imperative that I know what is going on.

* * *

I could kick myself for despairing at a time like this, 'twas very uncharacteristic of me and I can only imagine what Aragorn thought of my outburst. I know he was not happy with me, he shouted at me, after all. I knew it was wrong of me to strike up such a conversation at that particular moment, but I couldn't seem to stop my mouth from blurting out the words. I hate the thought of disappointing him and I cannot bear for him to think of me as weak. _That is how I must've appeared, though_, I think to myself in dismay.

I haven't seen him since he stalked away from me and it hasn't ceased to bother me since. I do not like him being angry or disappointed in me, I must fix things between us, especially before the upcoming battle. Our argument is hanging over my head and will continue to do so unless I can fix things right now. He needs to know that I shall follow him to the ends of the earth and that I trust his leadership; that I no longer despair and am sorry for ever doing so.

I release a deep, weary sigh as I enter the armory and find Aragorn preparing for the battle. I stand still for a moment, watching him with something akin to fascination, before moving forward. I grab his sword and hold it out for him. His eyes land on the sword and crawl up the length of it to lock with my own.

"We have trusted you this far; you have not led us astray. Forgive me, I was wrong to despair." It takes a lot of courage to say these words, my pride wanting me to keep my mouth shut, but I know I meant every single word.

It feels as though a weight as been lifted off my shoulders the moment he tells me there is nothing to forgive, the relief washing over me in crashing waves. The smile he bestows upon me causes one to break out on my own face in return and I clasp his shoulder tightly, squeezing briefly.

"I won't lie to you, Legolas; the upcoming battle won't be an easy fight. You needn't worry though; I will be fighting right by your side. Whatever occurs afterwards we shall deal with together." He says softly in reassurance and I cannot help but love him more for it.

"Hannon le, mellon-nin, I do not doubt that." I smile as I say this, finally removing my hand from his shoulder with cheeks a bright crimson.

Aragorn's eyes grow increasingly softer as they sweep over my face, I simply watch him in confusion, unable to figure out what he is thinking. "Legolas, I…uh, I…" He can't seem to get the words out and releases a huff of frustration. He takes a few steps closer to me until there is only a breath of space between us and I stare at him with wide eyes, fear and hope waging for dominance.

"Yes, Estel," I question breathlessly, lowering my head and looking up at him through my lashes.

"Legolas, I can't keep…" Aragorn doesn't get to finish his sentence for the loud sound of a horn interrupts his words.

We both raise our heads and look toward the stairwell. My eyes light up with realization, the Elves have come to our aid.

TBC…

Elven Translations:

Mela amin -- My love  
Le ab-dollen -- You're late  
Mellon-nin -- My friend  
Goheno nin -- Forgive me  
Uuma dela -- Don't worry  
Hannon le -- Thank you

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry if this chapter was annoying to read, I realize it kinda jumped around a lot, sorry for that.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Chapter Sixteen**

Aragorn is hot on my heels as I race up the stairwell and out into the cool night, the air scented with rain from an oncoming storm. I stop running the moment my eyes catch sight of Haldir and a smile steadily grows on my face as his eyes meet mine. He smiles widely as well, warm greeting shining in his eyes, and I don't even stop myself from rushing forward.

The moment I am standing in front of him I find myself at a loss as to what form of greeting I should give him. Surely, I couldn't hug him like I desire to, could I? Should I settle with a hand on his shoulder, especially in front of all these men? Thankfully, he takes the decision out of my hands when he pulls me into his arms with no hesitation that I can discern. I gratefully return the embrace, tightening my arms around him before pulling away and smiling even wider than before.

"'Tis good to see you again mellon-nin," he says as he cups my cheek fondly.

"Is a joy for me to see thee again as well," I respond in kind, leaning into the warmth of his hand briefly before pulling away completely.

Haldir's eyes travel the expanse of my face, taking in every feature, and I watch as concern grows on his face. It scares me sometimes how well he can read me, not many have been able to do this. I have not accustomed to being laid bare before another's eyes before and I am still not used to it. The thing that brings me peace is the fact of knowing Haldir would never judge me in any way. I know not of what I would do without him, he has become a wonderful friend to me and I shall eternally treasure his friendship.

"Lle tyava quel?" He asks with worried eyes, hand reaching out to grasp my forearm and pulling me closer to him.

"I fair fine Haldir, but thank you for caring so much to ask." I answer, aware that Aragorn is watching us intently and not wishing for him to catch on to what we are discussing.

"Lle vesta?" My fellow elf questions in a disbelieving tone of voice that makes me lower my head, unable to look into his eyes for I know he would immediately see the truth shining in my eyes.

"I am alright mellon-nin, please, do not worry about me."

Haldir does not look convinced but he turns away to address the men standing near us and I am thankful that he is willing to let this go, for now at least. Aragorn's eyes are boring into my back, I can feel the warmth of his stare, but I do not turn to meet his eyes.

* * *

I lean my back against a stone wall, missing the comfort of the trees, and try to find a semblance of peace in this unfamiliar place. We are all to form at the wall in a few short hours to await the battle that is coming for us and I am hoping to find a little solitude to prepare myself for it. I find this difficult to do when the comfort of the trees are so far away but I must make due with what I have at the moment, which happens to be a some time on my own.

Aragorn has been prone to giving me scrutinizing looks ever since my kin arrived and I fear he will seek me out soon for a conversation I not know yet that I want to have. He confuses me more and more these days with his treatment toward me and those lingering stares I have come to notice him giving me. Part of me thinks I should question him, demand that he tell me what these stares are born from, yet I do fear the truth. However, I do not know why I fear it so. I couldn't possibly have a reason to because my Aragorn wouldn't play such silly games, especially holding the knowledge of my feelings. He is not a cruel man. So, in truth, what is it I fear?

"Suilaid," I suddenly hear Haldir's voice to the left of me, startling me from the thoughts running through my head.

I turn to face his direction and smile softly. "Mára aurë Haldir, man anirach cerin an le?"

With a hand, he motions to the steps a few feet away from us. "Havo dad, seas."

I simply stare at him for a moment, indecisive, and then I move forward and do as he asks. I lower myself down onto the cold stone steps and turn to face Haldir as he does the same. I have an inkling as to where this conversation will be headed, and while I am not too happy about it, I know I cannot run from it, either. I have confided in this gentle elf once before and have no doubt that I can do so again. Besides, it might do me some good if I were to confide in him once more. Either way, it surely couldn't hurt any.

Haldir's eyes caress my face searchingly, face laid bare for me to see all emotions coursing through his immortal soul. Remorse and care are at the forefront, but I also detect affection and a deep pain.

"My poor little elf, your condition does not fare any better than last we met." Haldir acknowledges solemnly.

I lower my head, unable to look him in the eyes, and simply nod my head in resignation. I have long since given up hope, I realized not long ago that my heart has doomed me and it would only be best that accept it. I haven't spoken such to anyone but I fear my time draws near, I believe I won't be around much longer and that saddens me more than I could ever express. I shall not see this journey through, even though I vowed, not just to myself but the Fellowship, that I would. 'Tis out of my hands now, however, and there is naught anyone can do.

"The proof lies there in thy eyes; those beautiful Sapphire irises have dimmed almost beyond recognition. I can see your heart breaking right before my very eyes." Haldir's voice grows more and more troubled as he speaks and I have to close my eyes against the misery it causes. "You are almost lost to us Legolas, how could it have gotten so dire? Please tell me I'm wrong, that you haven't given up hope."

"Nay, I cannot mellon-nin, goheno nin." I cry out, emotions finally besting me, and I drop my head into the palms of my hands as tears break past my barriers. _Why is it I cry whenever I'm in his presence, do I enjoy humiliating myself so?_

"There is nothing to forgive Legolas," Haldir reassures me, pulling me into the comfort of his arms, running a soothing hand down the length of my hair over and over again. "I ache at the sight of such a fair creature of my kin in the throes of heartache, though. Bearing witness to the fading of such radiant light is a shame and grieves me greatly, my friend. A fate so cruel is one you deserve not, fair elf, and I wish there were a way we could trade places so I could relieve you of this."

"Nay," I say forcefully, even through my harsh sobs. "Speak not of such things Haldir, that is the last thing I would ever desire."

"I know you would not wish to see another in such condition, Legolas, but it truly hurts to see you thusly." Haldir pulls away as he speaks, wiping the tear drops from my eyes. "Have you not spoken to your Aragorn about this?"

I shake my head in response, sad smile playing on my lips. "I could not speak of such to Estel, nor do I wish to. He need not know about the condition of my heart, it would only worry him. He needs his focus to be on this war, not on an elf he does not love. He could not help me, anyway, even if he wished to, so it would be best to keep him in the dark."

"I am not so sure I agree with you, my friend. I have seen the way he looks upon you; affection is not far from his heart. I believe it would grieve him greatly to lose you, Legolas." Haldir whispers to me gently but I find it hard to believe his words. I want to; after all, I have seen Aragorn's stares as well. But I fear allowing myself to hope would be a mistake.

Once more, I shake my head, in refusal. "Nay, I cannot tell him. Please try to understand, my friend. It would be a mistake to confess my heart to Aragorn, give him awareness of my fading light. Nay, 'tis something I simply cannot do."

Haldir looks upon me in disbelief, obviously disagreeing with me. "What is the worst that could happen Legolas? Do you not wish to be saved, if there is a chance? If Aragorn loves you like I suspect he does, he should know of your dimming light. I know, if his heart beats for you, he would want to know of this danger, so he may have the chance to save you from such a fate. What is it you really fear, Legolas?"

"His rejection," I whisper, voice barely audible, but I know that Haldir hears me clearly. I raise my head to lock our eyes together and I give him a watery smile. "I am fading fast as it is Haldir, and I fear his rejection would be instantly fatal. I am merely holding onto the last threads of my life as tightly as I can, I must guard my heart now more than ever. Try to understand, mellon-nin."

Haldir is silent beside me for a long pause, staring off into the distance; contemplating my words. When he finally turns back to me there is a soft smile on his face; understanding. "Antolle ulua sulrim." He says playfully, glint of mischief in his eyes and playing on his lips.

Instantly I know what he is trying to do, he is attempting to lighten the conversation and relax us while in one another's company. I am grateful to him for this, I am becoming rather drained by all the tears my eyes have shed as of late, so I quickly play along. "Lasta lalaithamin," I respond in a dry tone of voice that brings a smile to his face and soft laughter to his lips.

A comfortable silence descends upon us when our playful banter comes to a halt and I take the moment to simply enjoy the presence of a good friend; draw comfort from a fellow elf. My mind is still troubled, by my heart and Aragorn's behavior, but for now I push all of that into the background and allow a friend to put me at ease.

TBC…

Elven Translations:

Mellon-nin -- My friend  
Lle tyava quel? -- Do you feel well?  
Lle vesta? -- Do you promise?  
Suilaid -- Greetings  
Mára aurë Haldir, man anirach cerin an le -- Hello Haldir, what can I do for you?  
Havo dad, seas -- Sit down, please  
Goheno nin -- Forgive me  
Antolle ulua sulrim -- Much wind pours from your mouth  
Lasta lalaithamin -- Listen to my laughter


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Chapter Seventeen**

The downpour that flooded Helm's Deep for the duration of the battle has long since ceased to a mere drizzle, small drops of cold liquid falling every so often. A splash of a cold raindrop lands on my cheek and I absentmindedly wipe it away in annoyance. I swiftly make my way through throngs of men congratulating one another on the victory, side stepping men and women and children alike with one destination in mind.

I have not seen hide nor hair of Aragorn since the battle but as of right now he is not at the forefront of my mind. I am in search of another, and he is all my mind can focus on at this time. I know what I shall find when I arrive, and it pains my heart just to think it, but I must see him. Tears burn at the back of my eyes, a growing threat at what is to come, but I push onward and pay it no mind.

Upon reaching the dead and wounded, I scan my eyes over the expanse of the area, searching face after face for one in particular. So much sorrow is held in this area of Helm's Deep, families weeping over their wounded loved ones while others grieve for the lost. My eyes have never witnessed such tragedy and pain, I feel a little overwhelmed by it and I could easily become consumed by the anguish I am beholding.

I push past the initial shock at such pain and devastation, pushing it to the back of my being so it cannot touch me, and move carefully through the makeshift aisles. A lump forms in my throat when my eyes land on the one of whom I seek, lying mere feet in front of me amongst fellow fallen Elves. My heart constricts painfully at the sight of not just Haldir but the rest of my kin.

Strange to think I had just spoken to Haldir a few mere hours ago, joking with one another and drawing much needed comfort from him that he gave so selflessly. Now he lays stock still, chest no longer rising and falling with each breath, eyes not moving beneath their lids. I shall never hear another word pass by those motionless lips, now tinted a light shade of blue, nor will I ever lock eyes with those pale blue irises again. My friend is gone, soul drifted away right before our very eyes, and I know not who to deal with it. 'Tis so very hard for me to comprehend the fact that the strong warrior Elf that I befriended is gone and I shall never see him again.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, I force my feet to move forward and drop to my knees beside my fallen comrade, my fallen kin. He appears so peaceful in death, though I know his fate had been anything but peaceful. He looks so calm that I would think he was merely sleeping if it weren't for his face, ashen and devoid of light. I hope he has found peace wherever he is now, safe and secure with a love so pure of the likes none on earth has ever known or could ever comprehend.

My lower lip trembles with barely suppressed tears as I take his limp hand in my own and squeeze it gently, using my other hand to tenderly cup a cooling, fair cheek. "Lle naa belegohtar, Lle ume quel," I whisper softly but with conviction. "You fought bravely and Middle Earth shall always remember you for that bravery. They rejoice now for the sacrifice you've made, you are a true hero Haldir and I couldn't be more proud of you."

Other Elves have joined me now but I pay them sparse attention, focusing solely on the Elf that gave me more than he could possibly ever know. It was his strength and comfort that he lent me in which kept me strong and alive for so long. Without him and his kind heart I very well might not be here right now and I shall always be grateful for what he has given me. I owe my life to this kind and brave Elf.

"'Tis been an honor to be your friend, Haldir. I know you gave me a precious gift when you befriended me in my time of need." I say through the first forming tears, smiling down at his face. "Amin harmuva onalle e' cormamin."

_I am caught off guard when I feel the press of his lips against my temple, but I simply close my eyes and allow the soft kiss from a friend to ease my weary soul for at least a moment._

I close my eyes in a mixture of grief and cherished remembrance at the bittersweet memory of a night that seems so long ago. I had felt so lost and alone that night, I was on the edge of defeat and he pulled me back from the ledge with his friendship and kind heart. We had met before that night, on brief and rare occasions, yet we had never been very close, were more like acquaintances than friends. But it was **that** night in which we walked away with a friendship with a promise to be everlasting.

_"Take care of yourself, Legolas," he says softly, concern and fear in his eyes. "I fully expect to see you again, so don't disappoint me."_

My breath hitches in my throat and tears fill my eyes as I look upon someone who cares. "I'll try my best, mellon-nin."

The corners of my lips lift into a semblance of a smile, watery and crestfallen. I hadn't disappointed him; I was there to see him again and spent some friendly one on one time with him before fighting beside him on the battlements of Helm's Deep, elated to be in his presence once again. There was no way I could have known this would be our last meeting.

_"Once this war has been fought and we claim victory," Haldir begins, smirking smugly and with certainty, having more faith in their strength than even Legolas can lay claim to, "I'd very much like for you to visit me in Lothlorien, celebrate our victory in true Elvin tradition with a feast and song. You can accompany me on my guard of the borders, partake in a friendly archery competition, and we can take the time to get to know one another better, for we haven't truly had the chance yet."_

I can feel a sob swelling beneath my breast as our last conversation is pulled to the forefront of my mind. I had so been looking forward to spending time in Lothlorien with a good friend, getting to know him on a more personal level without the hindrance of the war. I was aware I might not be given the chance if my heart were to take me away before then, but now I know for positive that I shall never have the chance because death intervened.

The tears I've been suppressing finally break passed my barriers and spill unchecked down my cheeks as the reality of the situation hits me all at once. Haldir is gone, he is really gone, and he won't be returning. Death snatched him out of my grasp when I wasn't looking and now he has gone too far out of my reach, gone to a place that I cannot follow. I've lost the one person that has been my strength all this time, the being I leaned on for support, I have lost a caring friend, and now I feel utterly and devastatingly alone.

My body jerks, startled, when a hand suddenly lands on my shoulder, wrapping around it and adding gentle pressure. I raise my watery eyes to lock with Aragorn's compassionate irises and my body gives a violent shudder as I nearly fall apart beneath his watchful gaze. The pain in my chest increases to new heights and immediately I know what is happening, have grown accustomed to the warning signs, but I cannot bring myself to leave Haldir's side just yet. My heart may be breaking at this very moment, threatening to worsen, but 'tis just going to have to wait long enough for me to say my goodbyes.

I am a bit shocked when Aragorn wraps his arms around me but I am also grateful for the small amount of comfort he is offering, so I lean back in his gentle embrace and turn my head to rest my eyes on Haldir's calm features. I brush an errant strand of hair away from his face and smile down upon him, my falling tears mixing with the dirt and grime on his cheeks.

"Cormamin niuve tenna' ta elea lle au'," my My tone is naught but a whisper and, though I don't wish to, I remove myself from Aragorn's arms and lean down so I can place a kiss to Haldir's smooth forehead. "Quel kaima ar' namaarie, mellon-nin."

The pain in my chest intensifies to an alarming height and when I feel a familiar crack from within the agony is soul deep. Unlike before, however, my heart continues to crack and the fear I feel inside is of the likes I have never experienced. _This is it, I'm dying and there is naught I can do to prevent it_, I acknowledge with wide, frightened eyes. I know I must find solitude, away from so many eyes that I wish not to bare witness to my current state.

I stumble clumsily to my feet, a palm pressed firmly to my chest, and I am unable to keep a pained expression from surfacing on my face. Aragorn rises to his feet as well, grasping onto my elbow and raising a hand to cup the side of my face as he tries to lock our eyes. I shy away from him, however, and he instantly grows concerned. Out of my peripheral vision I watch as realization slowly dawns on him and I bare witness to the bone deep fear that washes over him, overpowering the current expression of concern on his facial features. _I must get away from here, I have tarried too long_, I think to myself in growing panic.

Aragorn reaches out for me once more but I evade his advances and take the opportunity to flee. Aragorn calls out to me, sounding panicked and scared and desperate, but I pay him no heed. I run blindly, unaware of where I am going, just knowing that I need to get away from prying and curious eyes.

I run until there is an undeniable ache in my legs, tiring sooner than an Elf is wont to, and then I collapse to the earth, my knees hitting the ground hard. My fingers scrabble at dirt as excruciating agony courses through my weakening body and I can no longer keep a cry of pain inside. My heart gives a final crack, giving me hope that the worst of the pain has passed, and then I am promptly pulled into a bout of painful coughs.

A foul coppery metallic taste invades my mouth once my coughing fit has subsided and I spit out the acidic liquid. My own blood glares up at me from the light brown earth and I need not a mirror to know it is slipping out from my nose and the corner of my mouth. All at once my strength gives out on me and I slump over onto my side, too weak to hold myself upright any longer.

I am startled when Aragorn suddenly appears at my side and pulls me into his arms, but the only sound I can make to show my surprise is a groan. His eyes shine with tears as he cradles my head in his lap, running his fingers through my hair and brushing it away from my face. Gandalf is here as well, his ever watchful eyes peering down upon us in sympathy and deep sorrow.

"Why did you not tell me, Legolas, how could you keep this hidden," Aragorn asks in a grieved tone that shocks me, what shocks me the most is the depth of the grief that I can detect in his voice.

"I… I did not… want you… to worry, mellon-nin." I answer quietly around pants of breath. "There were more… more pressing matters to worry about… more important."

"Your well-being is most important to me, Legolas, you have to know that." Aragorn whispers as he frames my face with the palm of one hand, tears spilling down the length of his face. The sight pains me to see, I never wanted to make him cry, never wanted him to be hurt by this. "If you'd have told me, if I had only known…" He does not finish his sentence nor does he try to explain what he means by these words and I do not press him for an explanation, 'tis unnecessary at this point.

I use what little strength I have to grab his hand and smile softly when this brings his eyes back to rest on mine. "Do not cry for me, mellon-nin, I will be fine where I am going. Does not matter that I may not be here in body, my spirit will always be at your side, you'll never be alone Aragorn. My heart will follow you wherever you go; it has always and will always belong to you."

"This is all my fault." His voice cracks and falters as a sob tears through his throat and he quickly presses a palm to his mouth like this action will keep the sobs inside.

"Nay, this is no fault of yours, Estel, so do not burden yourself with it." I tell him softly, reassuringly. I am no longer afraid, have felt a calm wash over me of the likes I have never felt before, and I need him to know that all shall be alright. "Uuma dela, Estel… I have no regrets. Le melon, Estel, Nîn meleth lîn an-uir."

"I know the gravity of the gift you've given to me and I shall treasure it for all my days." Aragorn smiles through his tears. "Legolas, I know I don't deserve your love, but I thank you for loving me all the same."

"Ta nae nîn saesa, Aragorn." My voice is a mere whisper as my lips turn upward into a pleased smile.

It is at this moment that I stop fighting it, knowing it is alright to give in and welcome that endless sleep that has been tempting me ever since Aragorn pulled me into his arms. Any pain that I was previously feeling has ceased and now I am left blissfully numb as my body grows limp within Aragorn's grasp.

I can barely feel Aragorn's arms around me as he begins to shake me, shouting and crying out to me. "Please, Legolas, do not leave me here alone." He whimpers, tears of sorrow splashing upon my ashen face. "Beautiful creatures such as thee should never fade, 'tis cruel to create such light and then burn it out."

I hate to leave Aragorn at a time when he needs me most but I simply cannot hold on any longer, I am tired and worn down by defeat and all I want now is to rest. I know that Aragorn will be well taken care of, Gandalf will see to that; so I know I can pass on without any worries or regret, I can rest peacefully. I can only hope that Aragorn will reserve a place in his memory for me where he can look back and remember me with fondness, a friend that fought beside him in dire times to bring peace to all of Middle Earth.

_**When you look back on times we had  
I hope you smile  
And know that through the good and through the bad  
I was on your side when nobody could hold us down  
We claimed the brightest star  
And we, we came so far**_

_**When you think back on all we've done  
I hope you're proud  
When you look back and see how far we've come  
It was our time to shine  
And nobody could hold us down  
They thought they'd see us fall  
But we, we stood so tall**_

_**Whenever you remember times gone by  
Remember how we held our heads so high  
When all this world was there for us  
And we believed that we could touch the sky  
Whenever you remember, I'll be there  
Remember how we reached that dream together  
Whenever you remember**_

My eyes slide closed and I give into the awaiting darkness, knowing I will never open them again.

"No!!" Aragorn shouts as I begin to fade away…

TBC…

* * *

Elvin Translations:

Lle naa belegohtar, Lle ume quel -- You are a mighty warrior, you did well  
Amin harmuva onalle e' cormamin -- I shall treasure your gift in my heart  
Cormamin niuve tenna' ta elea lle au' -- My heart shall weep until it sees thee again  
Quel kaima ar' namaarie, mellon-nin -- Sleep Well and farewell, my friend.  
Uuma dela -- Don't worry  
Le melon, Estel, nîn Meleth Lîn -- I love you, Estel, my love is yours forever.  
Ta nae nîn saesa, Aragorn -- It was my pleasure, Aragorn

**Lyrics:  
Whenever You Remember - Carrie Underwood**


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Chapter Eighteen**

Overwhelming panic settles in my veins, flowing through me fast and painful as I watch Legolas' eyes slide closed and am unable to stop them. It does not escape my attention that he seems to be doing little to fight it as well, and that is just unacceptable. He cannot simply give in to such a fate, he is not meant to die today… not when so many still need him, when _**I**_ still need him. He does not deserve to die like this, not when his love is returned.

It shames me to know I could have prevented this if I had only mustered up the courage to tell him the depths of my heart. I had wanted to wait for the right time, when this war wasn't shadowing us, but I should have known something this profound couldn't wait. I should have told him the moment I recognized my feelings for what they are. Now that I think of it, something so joyous would have given us something beautiful in a time of such peril. _You are a fool of a man Aragorn_, I tell myself silently with a shameful shake of my head.

I scream and plead to Legolas, hoping desperately that somewhere inside he can still hear my voice. He does not steer within my arms and his eyes do not even flutter, much less open to show me those beautiful cerulean irises I have come to adore so much. Gandalf is a silent presence beside me, I can feel his concerned gaze upon my form, but I pay him very little mind. My focus is solely for Legolas, the dying elf in my arms.

I wrap my arms around Legolas' limp body, holding tightly to him, and bury my face into the crook of his neck. Tears slide down my face as I take in a deep breath, the scent of nature and honeysuckle and Legolas consuming my senses. I commit the aroma in my memory, scents that shall always make me think of the beautiful elf that has loved me unlike any other being on Earth.

I drag my lips up to a perfectly pointed ear, rest them against the shell and take an intake of air while summoning the words I wish to speak. I know not if this will work, Legolas could very well be lost to me now, but I have to try. I cannot lose him without a fight, and there are things I need him to know before he goes, if it should come to that… I can only hope he can hear me.

"Saes Goheno nin, Legolas," I whisper softly, emotions making my voice rough and scratchy. "I have been so blind mellon-nin. I must have been not to see you slipping away from me a little more each day."

I pull back, lowering Legolas enough to brush the hair away from his face, something I have longed to do for quite some time now. The strands are silky smooth between my finger tips, just as I suspected them to be, and it draws a watery and pained smile to my face. _Oh Elbereth, I wish I had not waited so long to tell you the truth_, I think sorrowfully as I gaze down upon his still face, surprised by the peaceful expression I find there.

"You remember the day I told you I wished to speak to you after the war, that I had something of importance to tell you?" I know that Gandalf is watching me curiously but I do not let that deter me, I have waited far too long as it is to speak these words and I will not let an audience stop me now. "I was a fool to wait so long, for thinking words so meaningful shouldn't be spoken during such a dire time, but… the truth is that I love you Legolas, with all of my heart I love you. So, you see, you cannot possibly leave me now, because I need you mela amin."

I fall silent after these words are spoken, watching Legolas' face intently for any signs of acknowledgement, for any signs of him waking, but he remains passive and limp within my grasp. Pain grows within my chest as I sweep my eyes over him, silently pleading with him to open his eyes and look upon me, to simply show me any sign of life still held within his body. He does not stir, however, and the anguish I feel intensifies, hate for myself growing by the minute.

My heart breaks when my mind tells me that Legolas is gone and he won't be returning to me, sobs burst free finally and my face crumples under the weight of the pain I am experiencing. I bury my face against the elf's neck once more and do naught to stop the tears from falling, moistening Legolas' skin. I can feel the weight of Gandalf's hand on my shoulder but I make no move to acknowledge is comfort.

"Please wake up Legolas, you have my love, my heart… do not leave me, I cannot bear to lose you too!" I cry into the skin of his neck, holding onto him with a near bone crushing grip.

"Do not give up on him yet Aragorn, keep talking to him." Gandalf's wise voice speaks to him encouragingly, willing me to reach out to Legolas with all my might, with all the love held within my soul.

I take in a deep breath to steady myself before pulling away and placing a tender kiss upon Legolas' forehead, closing my eyes for a brief moment. My voice is but a mere whisper when I speak once more, this time in my love's foreign tongue, "Edro gûr lín, A'mael. Lasto beth nin, tolo dan nan galad."

I place a kiss to Legolas' brow, simply resting my lips there for a long moment as my tears fall upon his face, and I close my eyes in an attempt to stem the flow. My breath hitches from trying to repress the tears and from the thought of having to say goodbye to a love I only just found, someone I never knew would come to mean so much to me, the love of my life.

I pull back reluctantly and open my eyes to find a pair of sapphire irises staring back at me in wonder and slight confusion. My heart leaps into my throat as I stare back at Legolas in shock and joy, unable to breathe a word though plenty are flowing through my mind at the moment.

"Estel?" His voice is quiet and weak but I am so overjoyed to see him alive that my concern is minimal right now.

"Aye, Legolas, it is I, your Estel. You had me very worried little elf." I speak lightly, teasingly to mask the lingering fear gripping me.

He looks strangely dazed as a small smile lifts his lips. "My Estel," he whispers before closing his eyes once more.

My eyes widen in sudden fear and I grip onto his shoulders, barely restraining myself from shaking him. "Legolas! No! Wake up! Don't leave me again, please!"

"Aragorn, stop!" Gandalf's loud voice breaks through my hysteria and draws my attention to him. He smiles reassuring once he knows he has my full attention. "He is simply resting, you need not worry now. I assure you, Legolas will be fine."

I bring my eyes back to Legolas and sigh in relief when I see his chest rise with an intake of air. _He shall be alright, he will live_, I tell myself simply to let the words sink in and calm me. "Quel esta, mela amin," I say softly to him, smiling fondly as I stare upon his sleeping face.

"Come now, we should seek out King Théoden and ask him for a bedchamber for Legolas to rest." Gandalf rises to his feet and I follow his lead, cradling Legolas against my chest. "He is going to need to rest for a while until he regains his strength."

I simply nod my head and follow along behind him silently, ever so often glancing down at Legolas to reassure myself that he is indeed breathing. I have a feeling I will be keeping a close eye on my elf in the following days, not letting him out of my sight…

* * *

I sit vigilant on a chair at Legolas' bedside, watching him as he sleeps peacefully and regains his strength through rest. He appears surprisingly small huddled beneath the blankets and reminds me that of a child. I cannot help the smile that climbs onto my face as I take in the sight of him, pleased to see that he is looking better than he was a day ago. Color has returned to his cheeks, taking place of the pale complexion of a day ago, and I ache to touch the blonde hair that is splayed out across the pillow his head rests upon.

I have not left his side since we placed him in this impress bedchamber and I do not intend to. I want my face to be the first one he sees when he awakens and I certainly cannot bear the thought of him waking alone. I haven't an inkling as to when he will wake up but that matters not to me; I will wait however long it takes. The longer the better in my opinion, he needs as much rest as he can get. I just wish for him to regain his strength because it pains me to see a proud elf such as him so weak.

Looking at him now it shames me to think that there was a time that I had not liked him very much, thought he was a strange elf with a silly little crush. Shows me just how much of a fool I have been. Legolas is an amazing being with a kind heart and gentle soul. How could I have ever not have loved him? My treatment of him in the past shames me greatly and I fear there is naught I can do to make it up to him. How could he every possibly forgive me for my behavior? I was aloof and downright cruel at times. He hadn't deserved that, and I know this. I will do my best to make it up to him now, though, and show him how much he means to me.

That is the reason I wish he would wake up soon, I am anxious to discuss the things that have been left unspoken. I need to tell him how much I truly love him, how I have for quite some time now. I want nothing more than to see the expression on his face when I say these words to him, and I yearn to hear him return my sentiment. More than anything I want to hear him say he loves me, so that way this time I can respond in kind, unlike in the past. He needs to know that the love I feel in my heart for him is stronger than anything I have ever felt in the past… even for Boromir.

A groan draws me out of my thoughts and I focus my attention on Legolas once more as he shifts in the bed, releasing a long yawn, and then his eyes flutter open. When he finally notices me his eyes soften and he greets me quietly, smiling almost shyly. I greet him with an equally quiet tone of voice and move to sit on the edge of his bed as he pushes himself into a sitting position.

"How are you feeling Legolas?" I question immediately as my eyes take in his appearance, searching for any signs of weakness or discomfort.

"I am feeling surprisingly well, Aragorn, thank you for asking." He replies with a soft smile. "I believe I have you to thank for that, though, don't I?"

I tilt my head to the side and look at him curiously. "Why would you believe you owe me your thanks Legolas?"

He flushes slightly as he runs his fingers over the blanket covering him. "Well, you saved my life, did you not?" He speaks softly as he raises his eyes to mine shyly. "I heard your words Aragorn, and they pulled me back. Did you mean what you said? Does your heart truly lie with me?"

"I meant every word I said Legolas. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you mela amin. I love you very much, and I have for a while now. I believe I have been in love with you since our stay in Lothlorien, possibly even before then. I was just too stubborn to admit it to myself, much less to you." I tell him honestly as I reach out and take his hand in mine. I am overjoyed when he entwines our fingers but I make no comment. "I know I do not deserve you, especially for my treatment of you in the past, but I hope you believe me when I say that I'm in love with you and my heart is yours if you will have it."

"What happened in the past cannot be undone Estel but you can move forward and make the best of the present. Besides, I have never held any resentment or grudges. I forgive you for your past actions, if that is what you need to hear, but it truly has never been a problem you need dwell upon."

I smile when I hear this and give a nod of my head. "As long as you're a part of my future Legolas and I believe I can try to let go of the past."

"I will always be at your side Aragorn; there has never been a question about that."

"I have never loved anyone as much as I love you, Legolas. What I felt for others in the past fails in comparison to what I feel for you. Even my love for Boromir falls short in comparison. I do believe you are my soul mate." I say nervously, throwing caution to the wind and laying my heart bare in front of Legolas. "My days shall be dim and gray and my life insignificant if I do not have you. Please, tell me you still want me as your lover because I am yours alone from this day forward."

The smile Legolas gives me takes my breath away and I feel as though I am in a daze when he places his hand on the back of my neck and brings are faces closer together. "I have loved you for many a year Estel, I'd be a fool to deny you when my heart longs for you so."

Neither of us speaks another word, knowing 'tis unnecessary, and I close the remaining distance between us. My lips capture his passionately and he responds with equal vigor, both of us pouring our hearts into the embrace of our mouths, the action speaking louder than words ever could. We have finally breached all the barriers keeping us apart, have finally found the way to each other, and I believe we can truly be happy now.

_**Now that we're here, it's so far away  
All the struggle we thought was in vain  
And all the mistakes, one life contained  
They all finally start to go away  
And now that we're here, it's so far away  
And I feel like I can face the day  
I can forgive  
And I'm not ashamed to be  
The person that I am today**_

TBC…

Elvin Translations:

Saes Goheno nin, Legolas -- Please Forgive me, Legolas  
Mellon-nin -- My friend  
Mela amin -- My love  
Edro gûr lín, A'mael. Lasto beth nin, tolo dan nan galad -- Open your heart, beloved, hear my voice, come back to the light.  
Quel esta, mela amin -- Rest well, my love

**Lyrics:  
So Far Away - Staind**


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Chapter Nineteen**

I stand silent at the lone window of my room watching the daylight break and shed warmth upon the land. I have managed to regain much of the strength I lost and am now feeling much more like myself than I was the previous day. I know I will be ready when it comes time for us to leave Helm's Deep and set out once more on our journey.

I am still reeling from Aragorn's confession and I am not sure it has completely sunk in yet. Aragorn loves me, his heart lies in my hands… that still seems too wondrous to be true. I have loved him for as long as I can remember and not once did I ever believe my affections could be returned. It seemed I was doomed to fantasize but never to touch. I had come to accept this, no matter how it hurt, and I knew what life had in store for me.

Now I am treading in uncharted waters, unsure what is to come, and it is most disconcerting. 'Tis not that I doubt Aragorn's affections for me, I saw the sincerity in his eyes, I merely am not sure where we go from here. He is to be crowned King once this war is over, and when that day arrives, what is to come of me… what is to come of our newfound love? Will there be a place for me at his side, in his kingdom? I cannot help but to have my trepidations about the whole thing, I cannot help to fear that we shall never be together, no matter how we wish it so.

Maybe my place at his side is truly not meant to be; perhaps I have no place at his side and never did. It pains me to think thusly, because I have only just learned of his affections, but I cannot help to look to the future if we hope to strengthen our love and watch it grow. I know that his loyalties lie with Gondor however, and he must do what is right for his people. In doing so he must take his place on the throne and he will have to wed; he will need an heir. That is something I certainly am not capable of providing him.

I know naught of how he and Boromir planned to overcome this obstacle but I just cannot see it working out in our favor. I feel as though our relationship was doomed before we have even had the chance to be together. He has only been mine for a day and already I feel as though I am losing him.

I am not quite sure how to bring the subject up to him, am not sure how to speak of my fears and concerns, but I know we must have this conversation. I need to know where I stand; must know if there is any chance for us. I wonder if he has had similar thoughts, if he has plans and I am worrying myself needlessly. _I will never know until I speak with him on these matters_, I tell myself for the twentieth time this morning as a soft sigh escapes my lips and my forlorn gaze returns to the view outside my bedchamber window.

I cannot help but to feel foolish for worrying thusly, I really should push my concerns away until I have had the opportunity to speak with Aragorn. I shouldn't worry myself silly until there is a reason to. _I must believe that everything will work out the way they are meant to, I must hold onto hope._

I am pulled from my thoughts when a knock sounds at the bedchamber door. Looking to the mirror to the right of me, making certain I am presentable and my current thoughts are not displayed upon my features, I softly call out that my visitor may enter.

I am immensely relieved when Aragorn steps into the room, a warm smile alit upon his face, and I cannot prevent my own smile from surfacing when he takes his place next to me at the window. He is quiet for a long moment as he gazes out the window but his features are calm so I know that nothing ails him right now.

I am pleased to see him and I say as much with my eyes as I regard him. He seems to understand my silent words as he smiles and draws me closer to his warmth when he wraps an arm around my waist. I allow myself to be pulled into his embrace, still surprised that I am allowed to feel his arms holding me so, and I turn my head away to hide my smile.

"The dawn is a beautiful one this day," Aragorn remarks in a quiet tone of voice, close to a breathy whisper. "How do you fare? Do you suppose you are well enough for a small stroll or should we save that for when you have fully recovered your strength?"

"I feel much better than I did, and I'd like nothing more than to go outside and feel the sunshine on my face, but I am not sure if it would be wise," I respond with much reluctance, turning to regard him with a disappointed frown. "There is still a war at hand and I feel it would be in everyone's best interest if I take the time to fully heal and not overexert myself."

"Aye, you are right mela amin, forgive me for I was not thinking," Aragorn replies as he takes my hand in his own and caresses my skin with the pad of his thumb. "We will have plenty of time to take a stroll together once the war is over."

I nod my head in agreement, not altogether pleased but knowing it is the right decision. I do not want to use up any of the strength I have just recently regained, I need to be at my best for when the time comes, I cannot afford to be lacking at such a time.

Aragorn pulls gently on my hand and I pull myself out of my thoughts, allowing him to lead me to the bed so we can sit down. He shifts close to me, close enough that I can feel the warmth of his body seeping through my clothing.

"Would you like to break your fast with me? The cooks have prepared meals for all. I can go to the kitchen and retrieve a couple of plates for us. We can eat in your bedchamber if you wish to."

The mere mention of food has my stomach growling its approval but I am not ready to eat just yet. Aragorn and I still need to have a conversation and I fear I won't have the courage to bring it up later should I not do so now.

He moves to rise from the bed but my hand upon his forearm halts his movements and he looks back upon me with curiosity in those stormy grey eyes of his. I smile reassuringly, showing that naught is wrong, and motion for him to seat himself once more. He does so without a complaint, his eyes veiled with concern despite my reassurance.

"What is it, fair elf?" He questions lightly, sweeping his eyes over my features, searching for what may ail me. "Is there something wrong? Are you not faring well? Do you wish to rest a bit longer?"

I smile in amusement at his never-ending questions and shake my head slightly. "Nay, nothing ails me Estel, I simply wish to discuss an important matter with you before we break our fast, if you not mind."

Aragorn audibly sighs in relief, curiosity lying within his eyes now instead of concern, and he takes his seat once more at my side, turning so as to face me. "What is it you wish to speak about Legolas?"

I fidget slightly, unable to prevent it, and try to find a way to start this conversation. I know not of the words to say to ask my question, am unsure how to broach the subject delicately. I fear what his answer may be; I do not wish to cause us any discouragements. I know not if he has considered what I am about to ask him, have no way of knowing if he has executed a plan so as we may be together when he takes his throne.

I do not wish to lose him now that I have only just come to know his feelings for me, but I know his loyalties must lie with his kingdom, and though it would pain me, I would release him if that is what I must do. I cannot be selfish, I love him so that I feel I cannot breath without him, but Gondor needs him more and I shall not burden him if it must come down to me or his duties.

I push these feelings away when the weight of depression settles over my heart and I look up into his worried eyes. I try to smile, though I fear some of my anxiety shines through.

"I have been thinking about our future together," I reply softly, biting my lip briefly as I take in a breath so I can continue. "I know we have only just found each other, but I need to know if we even _have_ a future together. Is it possible for us to hold onto our newfound love when you take the thrown? I know you need an heir, and we both know I cannot provide you with one, and I… is our love going to survive this war and see brighter days, or will I have to let you go?"

It pains me to ask this, I cannot help but feel as though our time together is limited. There may come a day when I have to step aside so he can become the man he was always destined to be. I know not if I have the strength to take that step and still remain in Middle Earth once he is wed.

I had not planned to sail to the undying lands with my father, I planned to stay behind for some time, at least until Estel passed, but if I must release Aragorn then I fear that the pain would be too great. I simply cannot be near him, after knowing what it is like to have him in my embrace, and know that he is no longer mine to hold. If our love must end with the war then my only option may be to sail. I hope it does not come to that.

"'Tis true that in time I must provide an heir but 'tis not asked of me this very moment Legolas. I do not require an heir for some time to come so worry not about such things at this time," Aragorn smiles as he says this, drawing closer to me, cupping my pale cheek with his palm. "When I take the crown my love I had hoped you would be at my side. 'Tis true that I will be forced into marriage and will have to produce an heir, and I know this sounds selfish of me, but I do not want to lose you amidst it all. Our love does not have to die just because I am to fulfill my duties as King, however I realize how unfair 'tis of me to ask such of you, so if you are unhappy with this unfortunate arrangement then I would understand. I would let you go, though it would pain me greatly. I do not wish to see you unhappy Legolas, but I cannot ignore my call of duty either. Gondor has gone far too long without her King."

"I understand Aragorn, and your loyalty to your Kingdom prides me so. I never would have stood in the way, I would never place that burden on your shoulders; you would never be forced to choose. If you were forced to, I know you would choose wisely, and I would be proud of you for doing so," I reply sincerely, though I cannot say that I can be his secret lover, no matter how I love him so.

"An arrangement has already been made with my step father, one that suits all involved," Aragorn says with a slight sheepish smile. "I would understand if you wish not to take part in it."

He sounds sad and resigned as he speaks but I can plainly see that he would release me if I were to so wish it. Before I make any hasty decisions however, I want to know more of this arrangement he speaks of. "What sort of arrangement?"

"I am in need of an heir but was already… was already in love with Boromir," Aragorn says this with a touch of difficulty, looking to me as though afraid the mere mention of his former lover will be an obstacle for us. I simply smile softly, understandingly, and he breathes a sigh of relief. "I loathed letting him go, even though I knew I must do what is best for Gondor. Elrond sought me out however, and sat me down for an important conversation. It was brought to my attention that Arwen wished not to leave Middle Earth along with the rest of her kin and said she would take my hand in marriage. It would only be between us and the palace that our marriage was one of convenience and that we both would have separate loves."

"The Lady Arwen would willingly bind herself to you so as to simply stay in Middle Earth?" I ask in astonishment, unable to understand her reasoning. She can simply stay without binding herself to a loveless marriage, can she not? "I do not understand my love."

"Elrond feared leaving her behind unprotected," Aragorn explains patiently. "He would not allow her to stay unless he knew she would be safe. With this arrangement I would have an heir and be allowed to remain in Boromir's arms, while the Lady Arwen would be provided with protection and the chance to stay in Middle Earth."

"And if she is to find a lover of her own she could do so with no trouble?" I question simply to be sure that I understand everything clearly.

"Aye, she is free to be with whomever she so chooses," Aragorn agrees with a smile. "'Tis truly beneficial to both of us, and I would have agreed to this even if I hadn't been with Boromir. She is near and dear to my heart and I know how she so wishes to remain here in Middle Earth, I would have never forgiven myself if she had been forced to sail."

I nod my head. "That would have surely been regrettable, and I admire you even more for your selflessness Aragorn, you truly astound me. The depth of your love has no end." Aragorn's cheeks turn pink at my words and I decide 'tis a sight I must bear witness more often.

All is silent between us for a few moments in time as he moves in closer to me, wrapping an arm loosely around my waist as we lean into one another, his forehead resting against mine. I close my eyes contentedly, feeling safe and secure within his loose embrace, wishing it never had to end.

"I do not ever want you to be unhappy with me Legolas," Aragorn whispers softly to me, sounding slightly troubled but sincere all the same. "If this arrangement doesn't suit you, or may cause you pain, please tell me now. It will hurt to let you go, but if you so wish it, then I will find the strength somehow."

"Nay Aragorn," I say as I pull away to look into his eyes. "I finally have you by my side, you love me as I have always loved you, and my heart would always be yours, even if we were apart. I could not bear to leave you now. I wish to spend the rest of your life at your side; we will find a way to make this arrangement work."

In truth, this arrangement is not ideal, but 'tis more than I could have ever hoped for. And when Aragorn smiles at me, radiating pure unrestrained joy, I know I have made the right decision.

TBC…

Elvin Translations:

* Mela amin = My love


End file.
